“Good Night, Sleep Tight,” by Kim West

A couple of months ago I wrote about some sleep problems we were having with Leah. I won’t rehash them all here; I’ll just say that because of these troubles I bought and have been reading Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady’s Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go To Sleep, Stay Asleep, and Wake Up Happy, by Kim West. This lady has devoted her career to children’s sleep and the problems that can arise with it, and she has some really incredible insights. The book mainly covers a spectrum of worst-case scenarios, and in those families’ stories, I think everyone can catch a glimpse of their own situation.

There are two big things I learned from this book, which may or may not be revelations for you.

1 – Sleeping is a skill that has to be learned. For the first few months of their lives, we – as parents – have to create the magic that is sleep. Past a certain point, though, they don’t biologically need the help but have become so dependent on us rocking, feeding, ssh-ing, swaying, and patting them that they cannot sleep without it. Teaching our children to sleep is one of the most basic and essential responsibilities that we have as parents. (In fact, the Sleep Lady likens parents to coaches when it comes to teaching children to sleep. We can coach them, but ultimately we cannot do it for them.)

2 – Sleep begets sleep. This means, in essence, that any notion we have about our children being extra sleepy “so surely they’ll sleep well tonight…and maybe even sleep in tomorrow” is purely false. If a child is sleep deprived, sleeping becomes more – not less – difficult.

These ideas, for me, brought pure “eureka” moments and I, like the many other families who can vouch for the Sleep Lady’s methods, am convinced. I am starting the Sleep Lady Shuffle now.

The Sleep Lady Shuffle is, essentially, a kind way of teaching our children to go to sleep on their own while still remaining present enough that they know we are there and are available to help them if they need us. This method, unlike the infamous “cry it out” method, allows us to reassure our babies and teach them what they need to do to put themselves to sleep. We gradually inch ourselves out of the room…starting first by the cribside, then by the door, and then in the hallway over a two week period…and by the end, our little ones know how to cope with their tiredness: by going to sleep.

For our family – one that has rocked and coaxed and ssh-ed for many, many (sometimes futile) hours – this might be a good solution. It is our responsibility to teach Leah to sleep on her own, so any crying (on her part or ours) is only a result of tough love. We’re doing her a favor. This is a good thing for her, so I can feel good about it. I’ll be posting updates for you all, in case any of your families might benefit from this kind of sleep training. If you think this might be the answer your family needs, I highly recommend the Sleep Lady’s book.

This picture, for our family, reflects one of the target goals of this sleep training process. This is what “drowsy but awake” looks like:

I’ll explain more in my updates as I need to.