A Letter

Dear Executives of Babies R Us, Inc,

I would like to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your generosity. When I attended the World's Largest Baby Shower event yesterday, I did as any expectant mother would do and registered for every drawing and giveaway I saw. Never in my life did I expect to win anything, but I thought it would be silly to go to an event like that and not take advantage of the offers.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I got a phone call from one of your community relations coordinators informing me that I was the proud owner of a brand new crib!

Imagine our delight, too, when my husband and I went to the store to pick up our prize this afternoon and discovered that the crib we had won was, in fact, the very kind that we had looked at online and had decided on for our baby! The color is even right!

We could not be more excited about this newest acquisition for our daughter's room. We love the crib and cannot wait to be able to put it to use once our little one arrives.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

P.S. I should tell you, however, that the only thing worse than having a get-together for pregnant women and not having food is telling said pregnant women that there will be food and not ordering enough for them to have any. I am okay now, as I would much rather have a crib than a couple of slices of pizza. However, there were many angry hungry hormonal pregnant women in your store yesterday and it is in your interest as much as theirs that I recommend that there be much more food next time you hold this marvelous event.

Thank you again, though, for the beautiful crib. I am so excited!

20 Weeks

The baby...she is a-growing! She's moving more and more every day, and I'm absolutely loving it! I actually could see her moving the other day, and I think Scott will be able to feel it soon, too. I don't know how this could ever become "normal." I get so excited every time I feel her move; I start smiling and giggling and talking to her. (This is nice.....except when other people are around or, for instance, it happens in church, like it did this morning.)

Other than the frequent movements from within, there haven't been other new developments. My "pillow fort," as Scott calls it, is working well to help me sleep at night. I've nearly got the itching under control - thank goodness for lotions. My doctor is happy with my weight gain, though I have gained a record 4 pounds this week. I'm watching what I'm eating, though, so at least those pounds are coming healthfully.

Scott and I have been working on names since we first found out we were expecting a baby, and had decided on the complete boy's name and the first name for a girl. We had decided, that is, until we went to the appointment last week and found out we have a daughter. Now it's up in the air again, and we're throwing around all sorts of new combinations of names again. It's somewhat different trying to decide on a name as I can feel the little person it will belong to rolling around.

I still can't believe the changes happening for her and for me. Apparently she's about 3/4 pound, and is about the length of a carrot (though less pointy).

I have to say that writing these posts has taken on a new meaning now that I know I'm preserving my thoughts and feelings for my daughter. Someday, I'd like to think that she'll be glad that I did this.

Everybody likes to make the pregnant lady cry.

It's a...................

The verdict is in!

In January, we will be the proud parents of a sweet little girl!

We are so excited. SO EXCITED. We were pretty surprised, though. You should have seen Scott's face when the technician told us. It was sheer shock. We had both really been thinking it would be a boy. I've had a couple of dreams in which it was a boy - one was a dream of the sonogram, and one was a dream of the birth. Scott has really felt that it was a boy. I just had a hunch.

Last night, though, I had another dream about the sonogram......but this time, it was a girl. I had never had any inkling that it was a girl until that dream. Never. And then? It's a girl.

So yes, we're thrilled, but still surprised.

I would have been thrilled either way. Had the technician told me that it was a boy, I really believe I would have been equally delighted. The thing is, I'm just happy to know. I'm happy to be able to say "she" for sure....to be able to look for pink things and know it's appropriate....to anticipate hair in pigtails and Daddy's little girl.... I'm really just glad to know for sure.

And to be able to see her again.... There is nothing in the world like seeing that little face and those little arms and feet and heart......that little heart beating a mile a minute inside her little chest, inside this growing bulge of mine.....

I can't get enough of it.

It's just such a miracle, and getting to be a part of it is indescribable.

Crossings

Recently I was driving into town on a fairly busy segment of highway. As I approached a bridge over a small creek, I noticed something in the road ahead of me. Drawing closer I saw that it was a large box turtle struggling to cross the road.

Had the road not been as busy as it was, I would have stopped and helped the turtle across. I’ve done it before and would gladly do it again. Once I passed, though, the turtle remained on my mind as I prayed that he would make it across safely. I envisioned a horrible scene if the other cars didn’t respond as courteously or attentively, and I dreaded the wave of guilt that would come if I should see the aftermath as I returned home later that evening.

As I drove, I thought and thought about that turtle. I thought about how brave he was to set out on his journey across such a busy portion of highway. I thought about how badly he must have wanted or needed what he saw on the other side to risk such a perilous journey. I even thought about what the other turtles he left behind must have thought as he began his trek across the road, and that his instincts are stronger than his concern for risk.

As I thought, a song played on my radio that caught my attention. As Jeremy Camp sang, “I will trust in You and I will not be afraid,” I saw the parallel between my ambitious amphibious friend and all of us on a journey with the Lord.

Aren’t we all somewhat like that turtle? I know that in my walk with the Lord, there are uncertain times that require bold moves. There are times that my goals and dreams are unattainable but through a difficult and risky path the Lord has set before me. There are times that require courage beyond what I knew I had, and there are times when it’s just best to keep my eyes focused ahead than look to the side and see the things that threaten to steal my dreams. There are people I’ve left behind as I’ve stepped out to do things they couldn’t understand. There are those who breeze by unaware that I’m struggling, just as there are those who want to help me on the way but realize that there’s really not much that they can do. Most importantly, there is One who has asked me to take a risk and go after the dream He has placed in my heart and within my sights.

Moments like that one, driving down the road with a turtle on my mind, make me aware of the commonality of my struggles. While the details of my circumstances are almost certainly unique, the general idea is not. Faith would lose its meaning if it did not require risk and trust. Dreams would lose their meaning if they did not have an object. We would lose them both if we didn’t realize that one requires the other, and we would lose ourselves if we took our eyes off the things that call us beyond where we are now.

To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. I trust in You, my God! Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat. No one who trusts in You will ever be disgraced…Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord, point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for You are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in You. (Psalm 25:1-5)

19 Weeks

This week was wonderful. Hands down, the best thing that happened this week - or any week! - is the repeated nudges from the baby. It's not every day, but it's often enough to remind me that there really is a little one in there. Sometimes on the left, sometimes on the right, sometimes in the middle.....and always a welcome little surprise. It seems like the more active I am, the more active the baby is. He or she is particularly fond of sweets and cold drinks. I don't think Scott has felt it yet, though. He's tried a couple of times, but I think it's still too subtle for him to be able to feel it yet. It's so amazing, though, and I can only imagine how my face must light up when I get one of the little nudges. Scott's lights up just seeing me get excited; I can't wait for him to be able to feel it, too.

My email updates tell me that this week, the baby is growing to the size of a banana, which is amazing to me. Until now the measurements have been "crown to rump," meaning essentially "head to butt," and this week the measurements changed to "head to toe." Thinking of it that way - in addition to feeling the little movements in there - has made this a lot more real.

I'm feeling good. I'm hungry constantly, which is still hard to get used to. I actually had to get up twice in the middle of the night last night to eat! I'm making a lot of smoothies to help get my fruits and veggies, so I at least feel like I'm getting the nutrients I need. I am, um, eating other.....perhaps not so good for me things. Not a whole lot, but enough to satisfy us both. Ice cream and banana peppers have been big for me this week.....but not together. I haven't gone there yet. Yet.

I'm seriously rethinking my resolution to not buy one of those fancy pregnant-lady pillows. It's so hard to get comfortable, and even when I think I've figured out something reasonably comfortable I wake up with a miserable backache. I don't know what kind would be best to get, though, so that will take some research.

We're gradually accumulating things for the nursery, and I'm getting more and more excited. I won these on eBay this week, and am so glad I got them:

They're the same ones from the book, and they have little velcro pads on their paws so you can pose them together. So cute! I'm really not going to go mad with stuff that matches our theme or anything, but these were a must.

My doctor's appointment - THE doctor's appointment with THE sonogram - is this Thursday, and we're so, so excited. Scott says I'm more excited than he is.....but he's the one who tells me every day how many more days until we can find out if we have a son or a daughter. I think he might be a little bit excited, too.

The Old Wives Weigh In

Because we'll see the baby again in less than a week and should (fingers crossed!) find out if we have a little boy or a little girl, I've been thinking a lot about this. As I thought about it, I looked online to see what sort of prediction those old wives might have on the subject. Here's what they had to offer:

*Take the year of conception and the mother's age at conception. If both are even or both are odd, it's a girl. If one is even and one is odd, it's a boy. 2008 and 26. It's a girl.

*If your legs resemble tree trunks, it's a boy. If they are trim and fit, it's a girl. I still have chicken legs. I guess that counts as trim, so......it's a girl.

*If you're extra crabby, you're having a girl because all females are crabby and you're doubly so. If your disposition is pleasant, you're having a boy. Depends on the day. I can be very giddy......but I can also be very, very cranky. This one's a toss up.

*If you crave the heel of a loaf of bread, you're having a boy. If you like the middle, it's a girl. I ignore the heels. Always. It's a girl.

*If you're carrying low, it's a boy. If you're carrying high, it's a girl. It's a little hard to tell, but it seems low to me. It's a boy.

*If you crave salty or sour foods, it's a boy. If you crave desserts, it's a girl. Anything vinegary is sounding pretty good.....so it's a boy.

*If you can't tell you're pregnant from the back, it's a boy. If you look pregnant all over, it's a girl. Scott says you can't tell anything from the back. It's a boy.

*If you feel pretty, it's a boy. If you feel ugly, it's a girl because she's sapping all of your beauty. I actually feel really pretty. It's a boy.

*If you prefer to lay on the left side when resting, it's a boy. If you prefer the right side, it's a girl. I always like the left side, and it's no different now. It's a boy.

*If you have the linea negra, you're having a boy. If not, it's a girl. Nope. Not yet, anyway. It's a girl.

According to all of these, there's a 40% chance it's a girl. Roughly.

But goodness gracious.....there are tons of these myths, and lots of them contradict each other. My conclusion? It's a baby.

Your thoughts?

Just for kicks.

The man at Blimpie who told me that no one would like me if I ate my sandwich with banana peppers and the tractor that was going 20 MPH on the highway and the seedless grapes that were chock full of seeds don't bother me.

None of that bothers me because when I got home and was eating a bowl full of the seeded seedless grapes, the baby moved! Really and truly moved!

This was no flutter. This was an all-out kick, over and over. I immediately called Scott and made his day. (He wondered if the baby likes grapes, or if he or she didn't want any more and was trying to kick the bowl off my lap.) Then I called Mom and told her and Ashley. They were excited, but I think they were more amused at my excitement than excited outright themselves.

I can't wait to eat more grapes.

18 Weeks

Just cruising along! I don't really even have a lot to report this week, which I'm considering a good thing.

Sleeping on my side and not rolling over has gotten easier, but I now move ree-ea-lly slowly in the morning because I'm stiff from staying in one position all night. Last night, though, I did roll over and poor Scott, instead of dealing with my mountain of pillows, had to deal with his lovely wife snoring all night.

Funny what pregnancy does.

Really, sleeping is the worst thing I can talk about. All other symptoms are better, if not completely gone.

I have entered into the world of.....cravings. I've eaten Arbys' ham & swiss melt and potato cakes 4 times this week. Truthfully, I'd love to have some right now. Really.

I also rediscovered peanut butter this week. From very early in my pregnancy, I haven't even been able to stand the smell or sight, much less the taste, of peanut butter. Many friends have told me that peanut butter was their saving grace during their pregnancies, but until Friday, this was not an option for me. At about 3:00 on Friday afternoon, though, this changed. I peered into the pantry looking for a snack, I spied the jar of peanut butter and had to have some. I made myself a divine PBJ and huge glass of milk and was one happy camper.

That's sounding pretty good right now, too.

Scott and I have done some browsing and decision-making on items for baby, and I feel much better after having found both our car seat and stroller today. We didn't buy them, but we've decided which ones we will register for, and that has eased my mind a lot. I was starting to feel really behind, but I think if we take 30 minutes here and there to browse in some stores, we can get this done in a reasonable amount of time. It's kind of overwhelming despite our vow to keep it as simple as we can.

Only 11 days until we can see the baby again! Not that I'm counting or anything........

Pepperspective

Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead.

I read this in my weekly email newsletter the other day, and I happened to have a bell pepper on hand. Strange how a bell pepper doesn't seem that big........

.......until you hold it up next to my belly and realize that there's something that size in there.....

....and then you realize that the something is a baby.

Wow.

I'm so amazed.

17 Weeks

Wowza. Every week Scott takes these pictures and I'm shocked when I look at them. It's not as though I don't see myself in the mirror all week, but somehow seeing the whole effect - that everyone else sees all the time - is always surprising. Every week I look at the picture and say to Scott, "Look, sweetie! LOOK!" and he says, "Yeah! I know!" Somehow he's not as surprised as I always am. I told someone at church today that I feel like I'm looking at pictures of myself that have been doctored in PhotoShop. I've never seen myself look like this! I had literally been the same shape and size since 9th grade, but all that has changed. Whoa, has it.

It's been a good week. I'm feeling little flutters, I think, but I feel like I'm eating constantly. Constantly. As I'm eating one meal I'm thinking of the next one. The "hiccup warning" I wrote about before is still in effect, but the margin of time I have to act on it has definitely narrowed. Once I hiccup, I must act quickly.

I'm also getting the famous "round ligament pain" I've read so much about. Yeah, buddy.

The itching is better than it was, but not gone. I did read in one of my books this afternoon that I'm at least not the only one who gets this, but I haven't found anyone in person who has experienced this phenomenon. The little itchy bumps are the most bothersome part. I feel like I'm getting bit by something, but I'm not. Yuck.

Shortness of breath? Check.

I'm having trouble getting a good night's sleep, too. Comfort isn't as big an issue as dreams have been. I'm still having dreams that include random people from my past. Every night it's like I'm on the show "This Is Your Life." It's very weird and very unnerving. Sleeping on my back is officially Not An Option; stomach sleeping has been less than ideal for awhile now. I try to stay on my side but roll over a lot, smothering poor Scott with my plethora of pillows in the process. I have looked at those special pillows designed specifically for this purpose, but I can't bring myself to do that unless it gets really, really bad. In the meantime, I take naps during the day and try to keep my pillows off Scott's head so that he, at least, can get some sleep.

Scott put together the glider rocker this week, which was very exciting as it was the first official addition to the nursery.

I could get used to this!

Right now I'm excited but trying not to think about our appointment coming up at the end of this month. I can't wait to find out if we have a daughter or a son! In the meantime, I read to, play music for, and talk to the little one.

16 Weeks

I can't believe we're this far! I've held this week in my mind as a sort of landmark week, because Ashley was 16 weeks when we told them we were pregnant. She told me then to get the book "Your Pregnancy Week by Week," which I did and I love. Anyhow, when I looked at the picture of where her baby was at that point, I was amazed that she had a little person that looked like a little person, whereas I had a strange manatee-looking creation. Now we have a little person!

This week has been all about hunger and itching. Itching and hunger. More itching and more hunger. Michelle told me that when she was pregnant her doctor (who is also my doctor) told her that when the mother feels hungry, the baby has been hungry for an hour. Holy cow. The natural question that arose in my mind, then, was this: "How am I supposed to anticipate that I'm going to feel hungry in an hour so that I can go ahead and eat now?" My little one, it seems, has developed a little system for helping Mommy out on that one. I hiccup, a lot. Nearly one hour after I hiccup the first time, I feel ravenously hungry all of a sudden. When I hiccup, then, it's time to eat. Think it's embarrassing to have your stomach growl loudly in the middle of church? Try uncontrolled hiccups. Nice. It's actually a very nice system....as long as I can hiccup discreetly and not let everyone in on what's going on. Scott tells me, though, that pregnant women are somehow excused from making weird noises like that (and are almost expected to do so), and that I shouldn't worry. I don't know.

As for the itching, we're working on that. My doctor told me that it's normal, courtesy of pregnancy hormones. (What isn't?!)

The other night I came home and was sorting through my clothes to see what I can still wear and what, of the maternity clothes I've inherited, I have grown into. I had a sundress in mind for our trip to the beach next month and decided to try it on to see how it would work. I bought it a year or two ago, and while it fit then I knew that because of the cut it would work well as a maternity dress. From my memory, I thought it would work well next month. When I tried it on, though, I was in for a surprise! It fits now, and probably will not fit next week, much less next month. Scott escorted me out to the backyard and seized the opportunity to have a pregnancy photo shoot. The sun was going down, so the quality wasn't wonderful, but we got some pretty good ones.

I think Mommy should be on bed rest. - A Post By Kitter

I've decided I don't care what Mommy's doctor says. I want her on bed rest so that we can cuddle.

There's no medical reason, per se, but there's definitely an emotional one. I want cuddles. Period.