Sleep Lady Shuffle: Update

It’s been awhile now since we ended our adventures with the Sleep Lady Shuffle, so I thought some of you might be interested to know how it has been around here since I ended my daily updates.

In a word: FABULOUS.

Every night we go through our bedtime regimen of “bottle, bath, book, bed,” and every night she points to her bed as we end her bedtime story. We lay her down (whichever of us is at bat that night) and she curls up on her side, making nary a peep, and goes to sleep. What’s more, if she wakes up or has reason to cry a little at night, she puts herself right back to sleep. On the rare occasion that we have (felt we had to) leap from our bed to go up to her, she has been asleep again before we even reached the stairs.

Seriously.

I’ve even been able to use the same method (or close to it, excluding the bath) before her naps during the day. It works beautifully.

If your child has any issues with sleep, I recommend this book. You don’t have to do everything the book says because, like I mentioned in my review, she addresses mainly worst case scenarios. You can tweak her advice to fit your family’s needs, and if you stick with it, I can almost guarantee that it will work.

Try it. I still can’t believe how well it works. As my own mom said, “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.”

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #14

And……we’re done.

At least, that’s what I’m saying. Night #14 last night went just about as well as I could have hoped for the last night of our Shuffle.

Scott laid her down in her bed, awake but drowsy, and we didn’t hear a peep from her until I woke her up this morning. No lie.

To summarize:

Shuffle position: Downstairs, minding our own business.

To bed on her own: YES. And YES again. Amazing.

Back to sleep on her own: If this was an issue at all, then YES, she got herself back to sleep. We don’t know if she woke up at all, though, because we heard nothing.

Cry-time: None.

Rocking: YES, during her bottle and storytime.

Bottle: YES.

Music: NO.

Success: Holy cow. I’m a believer.

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #13

We’re almost there. I told myself when we began this whole Sleep Lady experiment that it would be a two-week endeavor, and here we are on Night #13. One more of these updates.

Last night Scott and I had our cell community group, so Leah was in the good care of my mom (aka Weezer). I filled her in on the whole bedtime routine and all, so she would know what to do when that time came. When we got home, Leah was sound asleep and had been for about a half an hour. Apparently there were no tears whatsoever, and it took her all of 4 minutes to get to sleep.

Hallelujah. I was quite happy that it was a good night for Weezer. If it had been a rough one, I was going to feel really bad. (There was a fair chance that it would be a rough one, too, because of the day we had. Leah had been so clingy all day, because she didn’t feel good with those mean old teeth coming in and all, and bedtime could have been a challenge.)

During the night, things could have been better, but they sure could have been worse, too. We were both up a couple of times with her, but never for more than a couple of minutes – just long enough to give her some Orajel or Tylenol (whichever it was time for) and get her settled down again. Not too bad.

Wrapping up:

Shuffle position: Sort of hallway….but sort of not. Mom got Leah in the bed and then came downstairs to get her tea and a book, and when she got back upstairs, Leah was asleep. This is a good thing since we have one night left.

To bed on her own: YES.

Back to sleep on her own: YES.

Cry-time: Nada.

Rocking: YES, during her bottle and storytime.

Bottle: YES.

Music: YES.

Success: For sure.

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #12

Not much to tell about last night, which I’m taking as a very good thing. It took her 30 minutes to go to sleep at bedtime, and woke up every 2 hours during the night. It never took her longer than 10 minutes to get back to sleep during the night, though.

During the day today, her fever came back with a vengeance. I checked her gums and saw a suspicious shine on both sides on the top. Two teeth are coming in, and it’s the canines (“the pointy ones”), which I’m told are some of the worst ones when they are coming in. That, I think, has been her problem over the past few days; last night, Scott would give her some Orajel and she’d go right back to sleep, so that seems consistent with the teeth theory.

To sum up:

Shuffle position: HALLWAY

To bed on her own: YES.

Back to sleep on her own: YES. Orajel to the rescue.

Cry-time: Minimal. Not really even measurable.

Rocking: YES, during her bottle and storytime.

Bottle: YES.

Music: YES.

Success: Methinks so.

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #11

Last night was weird.

She was so, so tired…I could tell by the way she was rubbing her eyes and fussing and all…but she just wanted to stand in her crib and talk to me as I sat in the hall. She would lay down for a minute, talking the whole time, and then stand back up once she had rested a minute. At times her talking would break into wails of discontent, and then the cries would dissipate and she would continue talking. (What really broke my heart was when the two occurred simultaneously….as in, “WAAAA…..MAMA……MAMA……WAAAAA.” I don’t know a mama in the world that can honestly say that doesn’t hurt.)

And then there were the wee hours of the morning. She woke up at around 4:30 this morning, and when Scott reached her upstairs she was H.O.T. He called to me through the monitor and I went up. We checked her temperature: 100.7. Lovely. Another dose of Motrin and I brought her downstairs to rock for awhile. It was clear that she really didn’t feel good and just couldn’t get comfortable, so I indulged her and sat with her. This was the story for much of the day today, too.

To sum up:

Shuffle position: HALLWAY

To bed on her own: YES.

Back to sleep on her own: Um…..not so very much….but she was sick, so I don’t feel bad about it.

Cry-time: Off and on for an hour or so at bedtime. I think she may have forgotten the routine over the course of the last couple of weird nights, and had to be reminded.

Rocking: YES, during her bottle and storytime.

Bottle: YES.

Music: NO.

Success: At bedtime, yes. Later in the night, no. But again, she was sick, so I don’t feel bad about it. Back to the program tonight. (Health permitting.)

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Nights #9 and #10 (OOPS…got behind!)

The past couple of nights have been nights of extremes. On Friday night, Leah was so, so tired….she took one good nap all day, but then was up from 1-something to bedtime and could hardly hold her little eyes open. Poor little birthday girl couldn’t take any more. In any case, she cried and screamed really hard for a couple of minutes…and then fell over and went to sleep. She woke up once during the night that night.

Last night (Saturday), she was ridiculously exhausted after her day in the center of attention at her birthday party. I had been saying all afternoon that she felt warm and that I didn’t think she felt very good, too, and when I checked her temperature once her party was over she had about a degree of fever. She had a quick bath (that was, um, necessary after the cake), and I sat down with her to see if she wanted any more of her bottle. As soon as my butt hit the chair she was asleep. No exaggeration. She slept for 12 hours and didn’t make a peep.

The wrap up:

Shuffle position: HALLWAY

To bed on her own: YES.

Back to sleep on her own: YES

Cry-time: About 5 minutes, on Friday night only. Last night was silent.

Rocking: YES, during her bottle.

Bottle: YES, and that was what nearly put her to sleep on Friday. It was at that point that I decided the bath wasn’t important enough to put off bedtime. She would have caught her second wind and we all would have been sorry.

Last night, she had part of a bottle before her bath. When I tried to get her to take a little bit more, she fell asleep before I could even get the cap off the bottle. Sleepy girl!

Music: YES on Friday. There was no time last night.

Success: Yup. Indeed.

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #8

Goodness gracious. Has it only been 8 nights?

Last night Leah was SO TIRED. She didn’t nap well all day, taking only 2 30-minute naps rather than her 2 hour midday nap and half-hour nap before supper. (It’s a strange schedule, I know, but it has worked for her to this point.) No matter what I did, she would not sleep more than that, and I knew all day that it would be a struggle to get her to sleep at night since she’d be behind on sleep.

True, that.

I tried starting the bedtime routine earlier (7:30) to allow for a more difficult time getting to sleep, and it didn’t seem to help. She was in bed at 8:18, and was still crying for me at 8:45. She was more upset than she’s been in many nights, and I really think it was because she was so tired. Bawling her little eyes out, pointing at me in that pitiful heartbreaking way….it was rough. (Add to the emotional discomfort the physical fact that I was sitting on a glider ottoman at the top of the stairs and yeah….it was pretty uncomfortable.) No fun. No siree. I did break a Sleep Lady rule, too, by going back into her room and laying her back down. I didn’t pick her up at all, but I did lay her back down and cover her up. At 9:00, she was finally asleep.

Shuffle position: HALLWAY

To bed on her own: YES, though it took longer than it has most recently.

Back to sleep on her own: Ay, ay, ay…….finally, yes. She woke up at 11:28, screaming and crying and fussing. We headed on up, where she was struggling to breathe through her nose. We squirted her with the saline, brought out the nose vacuum, cuddled her for a minute, and laid her back down. She was still fussy and crying and still obviously very displeased. Let me correct that. She was MAD. She finally went back to sleep after an hour of ssh-ing and cajoling. (Let me mention here, too, how terrible I felt when I got her up this morning and found a big gash in her upper lip. That’s probably an exaggeration (I’m kinda known for that), but it’s a definite boo-boo, and I’m thinking that might have had something to do with her fury last night. Poor thing. We couldn’t see it in the dark! And the bad mama award of the year goes to.....)

Cry-time: The bawling and weeping of Night #1 was back. Probably 45 minutes, both at bedtime and in the middle of the night.

Rocking: YES, during storytime.

Bottle: YES, prior to her bath.

Music: YES.

Success: I suppose it was, but it didn’t feel like it.

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #7

Two words: HOLY COW.

Now, granted, she was extremely tired after not getting good naps during the day, but still.

Let me back up: Leah fell asleep in 7 MINUTES last night.

SEVEN MINUTES. She cried for maybe 30 seconds when I stepped over the baby gate into the hallway, but I reached over, kissed her hand, and sat down. Scott had brought the laptop up to me in case I was there for a long time, and I had no sooner opened my browser window than I heard deep breathing. “Can it be…?” I thought. I leaned around the doorframe, and sure enough. Sound asleep.

Shuffle position: HALLWAY

To bed on her own: Yes. Record time. Sound asleep. Mom’s still in shock.

Back to sleep on her own: Yes. She woke up only once, around 6:30 this morning (which is much earlier than she normally gets up), and I went upstairs long enough to hug her and lay her back down. I left the room when she was still awake, and came back to wake her up at 9, as usual.

Cry-time: Maybe 30 seconds, but then she laid down and was fine.

Rocking: YES, during storytime.

Bottle: YES, prior to her bath.

Music: NO.

Success: YES. And YES again.

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #6

Let’s see. Night #6.

Scott took the reins again last night, and bedtime – though peaceful – took some time. It took her an hour to get to sleep, and then woke up crying once during the night. Scott reported this morning that he was up 40 minutes with her. (I should mention here that before he went to work this morning, I asked him how long he was up with her. He said, “About 40 minutes,” but I thought he said, “Every 40 minutes.” Can I even tell you how bad I felt? I was wondering how in the world I had slept through a night like that without having any clue. Fortunately, though, we cleared it up, and now my night tonight is looking better.)

All in all, that’s not so bad. She hasn’t slept really well today, though, so who knows what might be in store for us at bedtime tonight. I’m going to try to get her to bed earlier since she hasn’t had quite as much nap-sleep as she needs.

Also, tonight we move to the hallway…..so around 8:00 or so, say a little prayer for this little household in Georgia.

Last night’s wrap-up:

Shuffle position: DOORWAY

To bed on her own: Yes, with only one hour of laying there and looking around.

Back to sleep on her own: She was awake for 40 minutes, but got back to sleep herself. So…yes.

Cry-time: None, except when she woke up during the night. And when she woke up this morning, which was kind of weird. She doesn’t usually do that.

Rocking: YES, during storytime.

Bottle: YES, prior to her bath.

Music: YES.

Success: YES.

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #5

Last night was, really, what has become par for the course. Bedtime was easy, while the middle of the night wasn’t so much. She isn’t crying when we lay her down anymore, which is w.o.n.d.e.r.f.u.l. It’s still taking her a long time to fall asleep, though, which is frustrating. She isn’t crying when she’s laying there, but she’s wide awake, looking around. Periodically, too, she pops up just to make sure we’re still there. It’s those frequent “just checking” moments that keep me from going ahead and going back to bed; I don’t know how she’ll react if she looks up and she’s alone. It’s slow going, but I know we’re making progress. When I look at where we were just a week ago, I know we’re making progress. It just takes patience, and patience is at a premium in the wee hours of the morning.

The wrap-up:

Shuffle position: DOORWAY

To bed on her own: YES! It took 3o minutes. Only 30 minutes.

Back to sleep on her own: She woke up at 2:23 and I was back in bed at 3:30. Seemed like a lot longer than that, but at least it was one hour, not two. Also, she woke up crying at about 7:00 this morning, and I knew she needed more sleep. I laid her back in her bed, and she just looked around for awhile. After about 45 minutes, I decided I wanted to see what she would do if I left the room while she was still awake; I snuck out and didn’t hear a peep from her until I went back to get her up for the day.

Cry-time: None. Can you believe it?

Rocking: YES, during storytime.

Bottle: YES, prior to her bath.

Music: YES.

Success: YES. (If you were wondering, I’m considering any night a success as long as we don’t cave and rock her to sleep. Regardless of how long it takes, it’s a success if she puts herself to sleep.)

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #4

When he woke up this morning, Scott’s first words were, “That was quite a night.” He was right.

Scott had “bedtime duty” again last night, and it has to be said: He looked pret-ty triumphant when he came downstairs, and rightly so. Apparently Leah fiddled with the light switch a little, and would have been asleep even earlier than she was had her blanket not bee tangled around her foot. I came downstairs at 8:15, after her bath, and he was beginning her storytime. According to him, she was asleep at 8:56. 8:56!

However……the rest of the night was another story.

She was silent until 4:30, when she woke up crying. Scott took his turn as the overnight sleep patrol, and headed upstairs to sit with her while she went back to sleep. He said he hugged her but didn’t pick her up; he gave her the pacifier back and paid her down, and she stayed that way. It seemed to him like she couldn’t get comfortable, though, because she flipped and flopped until 6:06, when she fell asleep and he returned to bed.

At 7:24, I woke up to her crying again. It was my turn to go up, so I went and cuddled her for a second to calm her down. I laid her back down….and she didn’t cry. (!!!) After I laid her down, I felt a mysterious wet spot on my shirt right where her diaper would have been when I was holding her…so I picked her back up and changed her diaper. (Never did find a wet spot on her pajamas. Weird.) As I walked back toward her crib from the changing table, she pointed at her bed. (Note here that at this point, she only points to things she wants.) I laid her down….and she didn’t cry. (!!!) I see a very nice trend developing here. It took her about 25 minutes to get back to sleep…

…but she woke up an hour later. At that point, it was still earlier than she normally gets up, but late enough that I didn’t feel right trying to get her to go back to sleep, so we were up for the day.

Yippee.

Tonight I’m going to try the teething strategies when she fusses: Tylenol and Orajel. We’ll see.

The wrap-up:

Shuffle position: DOORWAY

To bed on her own: YES!

Back to sleep on her own: Um…..it took some time, but yes.

Cry-time: Maybe a minute. Maybe.

Rocking: YES, during storytime.

Bottle: YES, prior to her bath.

Music: NO at bedtime, but YES at 4:30.

Success: It was an interesting night, but all in all, YES, it was a success.

Side Note: I just noticed that my post from Night #3 has disappeared. I don't know where it went or how I can get it back. In 1,014 posts, that's the first time that's happened.

Sleep Lady Shuffle: Night #2

Last night Scott willingly and generously took the role of Sleep Enforcer. I asked him if he really wanted to do that, since admittedly it’s not a lot of fun, and the sweet man said this:

“She needs to know we’re in this together. We need to be a united front.”

Any question why I think he’s the best husband and father ever?

I digress. We had been at my parents’ house for much of the day, and got home just in time to begin her 8:00 bedtime routine. Scott gave her a bottle, I gave her a bath, and then he took over from there with storytime and sleepytime.

It went really well.

Here’s the wrap-up:

Shuffle position: CRIBSIDE

To bed on her own: YES, taking only 45 minutes to get to sleep.

Back to sleep on her own: If she woke up at all, she did so quietly and went back to sleep herself. We didn’t hear anything at all from the time she went to sleep to the time we got her up this morning.

Cry-time: 1 minute, if that. (Scott said, “I think she understands what’s going on. I really do.”)

Rocking: YES, during storytime.

Bottle: YES, prior to her bath.

Music: NO

Success: YES! I’m scared to say this, for fear of jinxing the whole thing….but I think it could be working.

Sleep Lady Shuffle: (Official) Night #1

Last night went famously! We went through her bedtime routine of bottle, bath, and a book, and then I laid her in her bed. She popped right back up and started to cry, but only for a few minutes. For the next hour and a half, she didn’t cry at all. Yes, it took her that long to get to sleep, but it was peaceful and she did, in fact, get herself to sleep. We only heard her once during the night, too, and I don’t even think she was awake at that time. She whimpered and whined for a minute before growing quiet again. Success!

Here’s the wrap-up:

Shuffle position: CRIBSIDE

To bed on her own: YES, though it took a total of 1 1/2 hours (2 hours total, including bottle, bath, and book)

Back to sleep on her own: N/A (we don’t think)

Cry-time: 5 MINUTES! HURRAY!

Rocking: only while reading her book

Bottle: yes, before bed

Music: yes

Success: YES!!!

Sleep Lady Shuffle: (Unofficial) Night #1

Last night we unofficially began the Sleep Lady Shuffle, which – as I mentioned in the post below – slowly teaches children to fall asleep on their own as their parents gradually move out of their rooms. I hadn’t planned on starting this soon, so we rocked Leah to sleep as we’ve been doing at bedtime. At 2:00 or so, though, Scott and I awoke to Leah s.c.r.e.a.m.i.n.g her little head off. As quickly as I could, I grabbed my glasses (because I’m blind as a bat without them) and some socks (because my poor toes can’t stand these marathon rocking sessions we’ve been doing lately) and made my way upstairs. By the time I got up there, Leah was in a total fit, reaching as far as her little arms would allow her to over the crib rails. I figured that after crying so hard, she wouldn’t want to go back to sleep for awhile; surprisingly, though, she fell asleep quickly once I picked her up and rocked her for a minute.

“Hunh,” I thought. “That almost seemed too easy….but she’s breathing deeply and is definitely asleep.” With that observation, I decided to put her back in her crib.

Psychic Baby was onto me, though. As soon as I moved toward the crib, she began wailing.

Three separate times.

At that point, I realized that she just wanted me to hold her all night…which I just wasn’t willing to do. Though she was waking up, I put her in her crib and, as the Sleep Lady suggests, moved the glider across the room and sat by her crib. She fussed. She cried. She wailed and panicked and reached for me in the most heart-wrenching way. She stomped her little pajama-clad feet and feel down. She screamed and gave me reason to believe she was dying. I knew better, though, and refused to pick her back up. (I’m getting really good at this. The other night, during one similar incident, I’m convinced she intentionally soiled – yes, soiled – her diaper in an effort to get me to take her out of her crib. Ever the savvy mom, though, I didn’t fall for it. I changed her diaper with her in the crib…in the dark…and stood my ground.)

This drama went on for 2 hours. TWO HOURS. I never picked her back up – because the Sleep Lady says not to, and I figure there’s no sense following some of her advice if not all of it – but I ssh-ed and patted her and kissed her. The closest I came to picking her up was hugging her while she stood in the crib.

It was hard. I definitely had to keep reminding myself that what we were doing would ultimately be good for her, and that things often have to get worse before they get better. She even started dozing off leaning on the crib rail, using her blanket as a pillow. Her little legs were giving out and she’d fall onto her bottom, then onto her side, and then would instantly pop back up to make sure I was still there. She fought hard, but eventually – at 4:30, after two complete rounds of her CD – she fell asleep.

Here’s the wrap-up of (unofficial) night #1:

Shuffle position: CRIBSIDE

To bed on her own: NO

Back to sleep on her own: YES

Cry-time: intermittently for 2 hours…probably a total of 45 minutes.

Rocking: NO

Bottle: NO

Music: YES

Success: YES

Tonight, we start at bedtime. Update tomorrow.

“Good Night, Sleep Tight,” by Kim West

A couple of months ago I wrote about some sleep problems we were having with Leah. I won’t rehash them all here; I’ll just say that because of these troubles I bought and have been reading Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady’s Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go To Sleep, Stay Asleep, and Wake Up Happy, by Kim West. This lady has devoted her career to children’s sleep and the problems that can arise with it, and she has some really incredible insights. The book mainly covers a spectrum of worst-case scenarios, and in those families’ stories, I think everyone can catch a glimpse of their own situation.

There are two big things I learned from this book, which may or may not be revelations for you.

1 – Sleeping is a skill that has to be learned. For the first few months of their lives, we – as parents – have to create the magic that is sleep. Past a certain point, though, they don’t biologically need the help but have become so dependent on us rocking, feeding, ssh-ing, swaying, and patting them that they cannot sleep without it. Teaching our children to sleep is one of the most basic and essential responsibilities that we have as parents. (In fact, the Sleep Lady likens parents to coaches when it comes to teaching children to sleep. We can coach them, but ultimately we cannot do it for them.)

2 – Sleep begets sleep. This means, in essence, that any notion we have about our children being extra sleepy “so surely they’ll sleep well tonight…and maybe even sleep in tomorrow” is purely false. If a child is sleep deprived, sleeping becomes more – not less – difficult.

These ideas, for me, brought pure “eureka” moments and I, like the many other families who can vouch for the Sleep Lady’s methods, am convinced. I am starting the Sleep Lady Shuffle now.

The Sleep Lady Shuffle is, essentially, a kind way of teaching our children to go to sleep on their own while still remaining present enough that they know we are there and are available to help them if they need us. This method, unlike the infamous “cry it out” method, allows us to reassure our babies and teach them what they need to do to put themselves to sleep. We gradually inch ourselves out of the room…starting first by the cribside, then by the door, and then in the hallway over a two week period…and by the end, our little ones know how to cope with their tiredness: by going to sleep.

For our family – one that has rocked and coaxed and ssh-ed for many, many (sometimes futile) hours – this might be a good solution. It is our responsibility to teach Leah to sleep on her own, so any crying (on her part or ours) is only a result of tough love. We’re doing her a favor. This is a good thing for her, so I can feel good about it. I’ll be posting updates for you all, in case any of your families might benefit from this kind of sleep training. If you think this might be the answer your family needs, I highly recommend the Sleep Lady’s book.

This picture, for our family, reflects one of the target goals of this sleep training process. This is what “drowsy but awake” looks like:

I’ll explain more in my updates as I need to.