In All Seriousness

Last night Scott and I went on a date to celebrate the 4th anniversary of our first date. As we sat at Chili's, just a few feet from where we nervously sat a few years ago, he said, "Tell me something I don't know about you."

I highly suggest this question as a reconnecting tool.

Swinging

I decided today that living with pregnant hormones (and all that implies) is like walking around doused in gasoline and handing everyone you see a lit match.

At least it was today.

Yearning

I had a dream about our baby last night. She was so, so beautiful - like a little angel.

I can't wait to see her.

I really just can't wait.

Provision

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:28-34)

All right. I have to tell this story, with the full awareness that it could sound shallow and vain. I am fully aware that it might sound bad and might reveal parts of my personality that I like to keep hidden, but God showed up in a big way in this so I have to share.

A few weeks ago, I went to a local sign store to order some signs for work. This was the same sign store I used to use when I worked for the property owner's association, and the girl there remembered me even though I hadn't seen her since I left the other position. We chatted for a minute about random things, then moved on to business chatter, and then I stepped out from behind the counter to leave. She gasped in shock, completely unaware that I'm pregnant. She had a baby in April, which I knew, and out of nowhere offered to let me use some of her maternity clothes. She is petite, like me, and said she understood how hard it can be to find cute maternity clothes when you're small. I was pretty excited, but didn't count on actually getting the clothes. I don't know her very well, after all, so she has no reason to be that generous to me. (My skepticism had nothing to do with her character; she is very, very sweet.) Some time passed, though, and I had literally forgotten all about it.

About a week and a half ago, one of my coworkers went to the sign shop to talk to her some more about the signs. When he came back, he waltzed into my office with.....a huge (I mean HUGE) plastic tub of maternity clothes. I was very, very excited, because not only were the clothes cute, but they were small, AND I had literally planned on going to the mall that afternoon to buy some clothes because I was scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as my wardrobe went. (I can't wear jeans to work, and that - as it turns out - is almost all I had in the way of maternity pants. I was going to buy some khakis and some black pants.....and what was in the box? Two pairs of khakis and two pairs of black pants, among many other things.)

When I got the tub home, I was so excited. Everything was really cute, and while some of the things were still too big for me, I had lots of things that I didn't have before, and was really grateful for that. I called her and thanked her emphatically.

A little while ago, I got a voicemail from the girl at the sign shop. She said she had done something bad and needed to apologize. My first thought was that she needed the clothes back now, for some reason, but that was not the case. As it turns out, she gave me the wrong tub of clothes. The ones she gave me were, in her words "the big and yucky ones." She has a whole other tub she wants to give me.

(Here, I'm trying not to think about the fact that I really, really liked some of the things in the first tub and have, in fact, been wearing them all....which means she thinks some of my taste is yucky. I think that's funny. But hey...if she's going to give me all of those clothes, she can think whatever she wants.)

So yeah. I'm going by there on my way home today to get the other tub which, in her words, "is way better."

I know this probably makes me sound like an incredible clothes horse and like I am really shallow and only think about things like this, but truthfully, this has been a concern. When I wasn't working, I could lounge around and look schlumpy every day. That was fine. Now, though, I have to look nice every day. I was looking at having to get a good number of new clothes, which I don't really have the money to do. (Didn't want to spend all of the money I'm making on clothes to make more money. Just somehow didn't make much sense, you know?) God saw that concern, though, and has blown me away with His provision. He is so good to care about things like that when I wish I didn't. He knows my heart, He knows my needs, and He wants to take care of it all.

Why do I ever worry about anything?

28 Weeks

We had our 28-week appointment this week, and it was great. I've gained a total of 19 pounds, which my doctor was very happy with. Blood pressure looked good, too. Her little heartbeat was going strong, which was - as always - a wonderful sound. We asked him some questions, too, just about pregnancy rumors I've heard and whether they're true or not, and whether or not I need to worry about them. (The main question this time was whether it's a problem if I sleep on my back. I don't go to sleep that way, but I wake up that way a lot and wondered if that was a problem. He said that once it's a problem, my body will wake me up or I'll move on my own.)

I think I've entered some of the wonderful third trimester joys, too - indigestion every time I eat, leg cramps (though minor, they are coming sometimes), frequent kick attacks on my ribs and/or bladder, and being hot. I'm also pretty sure I became mean this week. My hormones, I think, are making me a less-than-pleasant person sometimes. Poor Scott, I fear, is the one who catches the brunt of it. I'm easily annoyed (with or without reason) and I cry at the drop of a hat. I find myself getting angry, too, which is not usually an emotion I deal with.

Despite that, though, I'm still having fun. I absolutely love watching her move. Not only do I feel her moving just about all the time, but I can see her more often than not. Apparently, as of our appointment, her head was on the right and her little bottom was on the left; I could feel when her head would press up against me because there would be a big hard knot on my belly.

Scott and his dad have made more progress on the closet in the nursery, too, which is very exciting. This is what it looked like a week ago:

This is what was going on mid-week:


And this is what it looks like now:

Very exciting. This is going to be an amazing closet.

I'm very, very tired, which seems to be becoming a norm....so that's all I have as far as updates for this week.

Quick Quiz

Question: What are these?

Answer: A valid substitute for this:

No, really. Seriously! Just ask my daughter.

True Story

Jess: Hm.....this article says there are 88 medically-recognized sleep disorders.

Scott: Really? Which one do I have?

Jess: Um.....none of these. You just have a pregnant wife.

27 Weeks

27 Weeks?!?!? Holy cow. Time is flying all of a sudden! I think working during the day is helping with that, which is a good and a bad thing. I'm delivering two months after Ashley, so I have been saying all along that when she gets there I know I'm close. She told me today she's officially considered full-term.

I'm still feeling great, though I can definitely see a difference in my energy levels this week, as I had expected. I don't know, though, if it's that I'm keeping busier because of work or if it's because of the pregnancy itself. Naps have been reduced dramatically. I'm sleeping really, really well at night, though! The pillow fort is back, with one between my knees now in addition to the one under my belly and the one wedged under my back. It seems to be working....except Scott (poor thing) is running out of room in our king sized bed. Sad.

Indigestion has hit, too. My oatmeal gave me indigestion this morning.

The baby has definitely grown (Baby Center says she's about 2 pounds and 14 1/2 inches long) and has changed position some, too. I'm feeling her all over the place now, whereas for the longest time it was generally in one spot at a time and usually really low. I feel her bumping around right under my ribs now; because of the strength of her movements and the fact that she's further out there, sometimes her movements cause nearly full-body movements for me. I think she's head down, personally. I think her hands are over on the right and that it's her feet I'm feeling up high. I can't wait to see at our appointment this week if I might be right. (My doctor is good at feeling around and being able to tell where they are. It's amazing.)

We started our childbirth classes this past week, too, and I loved it. It was so, so good to be able to compare symptoms with other women who are more or less where I am in this whole process. One of the girls in the class is due two days before me, so that was neat. I loved being able to talk about my fears and concerns, too. My main reason for being in the classes is for that alone - just to go into this as well-informed as I can be. I know we can never be fully prepared just because every birth situation is different, but it's nice to know somewhat what I can expect. (Note the emphasis on somewhat.) I loved the class, and thoroughly enjoyed the processes we talked though with our husbands about how we can relax and how they can help us. We went through some relaxation techniques with the nurse who is teaching the class and I was practically asleep when we left the class. Needless to say, they worked. I can't wait to go again on Tuesday.

He didn't know he was my muse.

Yesterday, as I manned the Salvation Army booth at another volunteer fair, a man from an adjacent booth approached. He said, "I thought I'd bring you a piece of candy from my table to make you smile. You're making me so sad! Why aren't you smiling more?"

I was hungry, for one thing, and I was growing increasingly concerned that it might not have been acceptable for me to leave my booth long enough to wander over to the food court to get something to eat. (I eventually did. Duh.) I had been there for a couple of hours, too, so I was a little bit spaced out.

Regardless of the reason, though, once said man left, I experienced a flood of emotions. It was all I could do not to cry. I don't know why.

Actually, I do. And here's what I wrote there, on the spot:

You make me happy,
you make me sad.
You make me cranky,
you make me mad.
You bring the tears,
no reason why,
and once one tear falls
all day I'll cry.
You make me laugh
and can make me giddy
and sometimes you even
make me feel pretty.
Yes, sometimes you're good
but more often you're bad.
Without your control I
think I'd be glad.
Just calm down, please,
and leave me alone,
and no more I'll claim,
"Sorry.......it's hormones."

26 Weeks

I had another great week this week, though popular opinion seems to be that this won't last forever. I told someone how I love being pregnant and she said, "I'll ask you again in 10 weeks." I understand that I will likely become increasingly uncomfortable as time goes on and the little one becomes less little, but I hope that I will never say I do not like being pregnant. This time has been such a wonderful, beautiful, miraculous experience, and I'm trying to see the wonder in even the unpleasant things that are happening to my body (such as when someone told me this week that my face is really rounding out). I laugh every time she plays soccer with my bladder, and even inexplicable pains that come at random times of the day and night are a reminder of this miracle going on inside me.

I did have an adventure in, um, gas pains this week. Apparently Mexican food - refried beans in particular - are off limits. For two days straight I had miserable pain in my upper abdomen. It was awful. Eventually it passed (haha), but until it did I was feeling pretty wimpy. I kept thinking, "These are just gas pains.......what's labor going to be like?" I know, though, that while labor will - no doubt - be excruciating and unlike anything I've ever experienced, it will be different somehow. Once the pain subsided, though, the baby moved around like never before. She was relieved, too!

I'm a little concerned about how my energy level will do now that I'm working again. I have a feeling my bedtime is going to get earlier and earlier over the next few weeks.

We're heading into the third trimester this week.........I'm sure there are many other adventures to come!

Getting Used To The Idea - A Post By Kitter

I've been noticing something.

Mommy is getting big. There is an entire room upstairs where I am Not Allowed to go. It is full of things I would love to play in, but I am Not Allowed to investigate. A basket came a few weeks ago that looked like it was for me - it was the perfect size for napping - but I was Not Allowed to lay in it. Daddy is building a closet area upstairs that looks like a perfect playground for me, but I am Not Allowed to play in it.

So I asked Mommy one day what was going on, and she explained it to me.

There is going to be a baby. In this house.

At first, I was very much not happy with this idea. I am the baby, after all.

Mommy told me, though, that this is a good thing, and eventually I believed her. I will be the Big Sister, and that comes with lots of responsibility. I think that I am up for the challenge.

Mommy assured me that even though I will not be the only baby any more, I will still get cuddles. And, she told me, I am allowed to cuddle with the baby as long as she and Daddy are there to supervise. We practiced a little bit.

I had to be very careful, though, because I could not even see the baby and that made it hard to cuddle with her. However, I was very gentle and very gingerly lulled her to sleep with my purrs. (She kicked me a little bit, though, which I was not sure about.) Mommy told me that the baby will like the purrs when she gets here, but I will be Not Allowed to lay on top of her then. I guess that is a good idea. She will be very little, and I am big. And fluffy. And a little bit not used to babies.

Mommy also let me be a part of this process by letting me help pick out the baby's name. She did not like the idea of naming the baby after me; she said that a little girl named "Kitter" might be weird, so she gave me a book to look at to find other possibilities.

I think the baby should be named "Baby." That is easy to remember. I might call her that no matter what Mommy and Daddy name her.

I was very tired after talking about it and learning so much about babies, but Mommy said I could lay on my favorite blanket and have a photo shoot. I like having my picture taken, and I did a new good pose for this one. I hope that I can still have my picture taken when Baby gets here. Maybe we can have our picture taken together!

I think that I will like having a Baby Sister. I will do my best to be a good Big Sister for her.

25 Weeks

It has been a terrific week! I did go for my glucose test, which was really no big deal at all. (Of course, it was the one-hour one. Had I been asked to do the three-hour one, it would have been another story.) My results were normal, but they did tell me that I need to "beef" up my diet. Literally. My iron is low, and while they didn't say that I'm anemic, I'm treating it as if they had. I'm taking iron supplements now (in addition to the prenatal vitamins I've been on for a year) and am trying to watch my diet to make sure I'm eating more meat and berries and green veggies. It really came as no surprise that my iron was low, and I was just relieved that everything was okay with the glucose.

I've still been feeling good, but there have been some new things going on. My back has been hurting pretty badly, for one thing. Heat helps that, so I'm not thinking about a chiropractor or anything at this point. If it gets worse, though, we may go that route. Baby Girl might be sitting on or playing with a nerve somewhere, too, because the other day I had a couple of spells where my hip/butt area hurt for a second and then my left leg kind of went weak and tried to give out. It hasn't happened since then, though, so I'm guessing the baby either moved or got bored with playing with my nerves.

It is quite likely that she's just moved away from that delicate spot, though, because she is moving almost constantly. Also, she's definitely bigger than she was. (Of course, I know that for a fact because, well, for one thing, growing is what babies do.....but my Baby Center updates are telling me that she's now 14 inches long and almost 2 pounds!) For the longest time, I could only feel her moving on the left side; this week, though, I've been able to simultaneously feel her moving on the left, right, and in the middle. She's moving and rolling around all day, and I absolutely love to watch my belly bulge and roll and bounce around. I could watch her all day, because it's still so surreal to know that she's in there. I love it. I absolutely love it.

She also got the hiccups one night this week. Very cool. My whole belly was jumping and it was a perfect rhythm for a few minutes....definitely different from her normal movements. When I told Scott that was going on, he said, "Poor thing. I hate the hiccups!" It was sweet - it somehow showed me that he's relating to her and thinking of her as a real little person in there.

Scott and I were talking this weekend, too, about how we're feeling about all of this. We're pretty much in agreement that this is still very surreal - almost like someone's playing some kind of joke on us - and that this will stay that way until we're holding her in our arms and can actually see her. There's no way to really prepare for this, because we realize we have no idea how this is going to affect us; all we can do is pray that God will make the necessary preparations within us since He does know what's in store.

As a part of her consistent growing and moving around, she has - of course - affected my body in other ways. For one thing....well, my belly button has popped. (It has been moving that way for awhile now, and I've gotten to see parts of my belly button I've never seen before. It's been flat for awhile, and now it's reaching outward. Pretty strange to look down in the middle of church or shopping and see my belly button through my shirt.) It's weird, though. It isn't always out there. It's kind of like when I first started showing - sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn't. (Now, though, I definitely am! This was the first week that strangers spontaneously rubbed my belly. This might change, but for now, I kind of like it. I love being pregnant so much that I think it's my way of sharing the joy.)

Other than that, things are pretty much just moving along. My hair and fingernails are growing like crazy, my skin is better than it has ever been, and I'm eating what I want when I want to eat it. Life is good, and getting better every day! I've been so blessed through this whole thing. I know that not everyone has such wonderful pregnancy experiences, and not everyone feels so good, so I'm definitely thankful that this is my story.

Fallstalgia

Autumn is, beyond a doubt, my favorite time of year. Granted, here in Georgia it isn't all that it could be, in that it usually lasts about a minute and a half. However, once the weather turns cool, I become a new person. The crispness of the air, changing angles of the sunlight as it casts shadows through the trees, beginnings of orange and yellow in the leaves, cool breeze rustling those leaves across the yard..... I absolutely love it, and if there were a way to make this last - or to bottle it, perhaps, for enjoyment year-round - I would be the first to want to know how. As it stands now, though, it is here for a time and then moves on, as most things do; it seems that God wants to make sure we continue to appreciate the beauty of His creation, and knowing us as He does He doesn't leave anything around long enough for us to get complacent and ungrateful.

When this time of year rolls around again, I am filled with so many fond memories and recollections that it's hard to keep them all in.....so I'm going to share some of them with you.

Back To School - School here always started in August (and still does), but fall's coolness brings back memories of those first few weeks of school when the clothes were still new, the notebooks were still fresh and plasticky smelling, and the year was still a mystery to be discovered. I especially remember many, many mornings waiting for the school bus...in elementary school, playing freeze tag with the neighbors until one of us hollered that the bus was coming from around the corner; in middle school, watching the older kids and thinking how put-together they seemed; in high school, chatting with others at the corner about future plans and current problems.

Rowing On The River - In high school, I joined the rowing team and spent many, many cool afternoons and cold mornings in a tiny little boat in the middle of the river in tiny little shorts and tank tops. I fell in love with crew instantly and we still have a lingering affection for one another. Fall always tries to rekindle the romance between this sport (which, admittedly, is sometimes cruel) and myself. It never works, though, since crew requires both a team and a boat...and I have neither. (Crew is a demanding lover.)

Off To College - Naturally, it was fall when I first left home and headed off to college. This was a time of serious struggle for me, but the beauty of the campus in which I found myself wrapped around me like a warm blanket and somehow made me feel at home. Fall accentuated this beauty, and any time I see a maple tree clothed in brilliant colors I remember this time of my life and realize how far God has brought me since then.

Walk To Emmaus - This is a spiritual retreat in the Methodist Church which, because of the blessings of the weekend, I am not allowed to talk much about. However, I went on this Walk in October of 2004 and experienced so much love....so much grace....so much of God's power.

Scott - We started dating in October (well, November, if you ask me......but that's another story), and I always think about that fall with extreme fondness. My completely passive approach to pursuing him....his cluelessness....our friends' persistence....and the eventual connection that was made. I remember lots of walks that fall and winter, and lots of excitement as I realized that this man - this wonderful man - was every bit of what I had hoped for...and more. Today, fall signifies both that first fall together and the fall that followed, as we were then newlyweds and exploring all that married life had for us.

And, next year, fall will mean....

Pregnancy - Anticipation. Excitement. Uncertainty.

Thank you, Lord, for Your faithfulness and Your blessings.