Someone gave a copy of this to my mom a few years ago, and since we were in the throes of wedding planning at the time, she felt it appropriate to pass it on to me.
When I read it, as a newly-engaged young woman with romantic views of marriage and wife-hood, I laughed. I thought, “Yeah, right. I’m glad things aren’t like that anymore.” I dismissed the ideas as quickly as they had come to me, and resumed my scheduling of appointments with florists and engagement portrait photo shoots.
Now, though, nearly 5 years later, I see it somewhat differently. Before you go on a witch hunt and begin chanting slurs against my husband, let me explain.
I am his wife, but I am not his slave. I am no less than he is, and I am not in any way subservient to him.
I am, though, to be his helper. I am to walk alongside him as we journey through life, and it is my responsibility and privilege to help him in any way that I can. As a woman, that is the reason for my creation, and as his wife, that is why God saw fit to place us together.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18)
I believe that with every fiber of my being. I feel that purpose every day in all that I do.
My job is not to neglect myself or to somehow place myself in a position of unimportance, but my job is to place him – the man God has given me to love, honor, and cherish – before myself. I don’t have to kill myself in an attempt to be the perfect wife and woman, but I should go out of my way to be what he needs me to be. My relationship with him is the most important relationship with another person that I will ever know on earth, and it is part of the blessing of this relationship to live like I know how sacred this union is.
What does this look like in real life?
I make every effort I can to make sure the house looks decent when he gets home. I know he will be tired and hungry, and the last thing he needs is to come home to a calamity (even if that’s how I feel and, really, it’s how our day was).
I do all I can to greet him with a smile and a positive attitude, regardless of what was happening 5 minutes before with our toddler.
I consider his week as I plan my days, so that I am not completely strung out and exhausted on the same nights he is likely to be so.
I try to allow his Saturdays to be days for what he wants to do, even if he wants to spend the day mowing the lawn or doing odd jobs around the house. It’s his day off, and he deserves it.
I change my clothes before he gets home if I’m covered in dirt and mashed bananas and who-knows-what from a day with a toddler.
I make sure the pantry is stocked with his favorite snacks and comfort food.
I ask him several times a week if there’s anything in particular I can do to help him, like run specific errands during the day or pick up anything special from the store.
These are just a few things I do intentionally to let him know that I value him and I take my role as “helper” seriously. And you know what? This is not without benefit to me, either. There is no greater peace for me than when I know – beyond a doubt – that I am fulfilling my God-given purpose. When I know that I am doing right by my family, I am more energized than when I feel that I could be doing more.
And you know what else? In a God-honoring marriage, no wife will be neglected. As I seek to honor my husband in any way I can, he is seeking to do the same for me. We are both looking to the needs of the other, and our needs are met. God designed it that way, and even when we fall back into our natural selfish ways, there is redemption and hope for tomorrow.
We’re not perfect, nor is our marriage. We do know who instituted this whole thing, though, and we trust His plans for it all infinitely more than we trust our own. He designed it, so we figure He knows better than we do how it should work. I realize that this is pretty controversial, but for us, there’s no question that it’s right. I challenge you to adopt one of these little gestures in your marriages. I promise that God will honor it, and what you feel will be a blessing.
A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises! (Proverbs 31:10-31)
