Synchrony

Recently Scott and I went to an air show here in town. Scott, having grown up around airplanes and different aspects of aviation, was less enthralled by the stunts of the pilots than he was at the childlike enthusiasm of his wife, who had never seen anything like that. I loved it. I stared, mouth agape, as the planes zoomed overhead and dipped down low. My stomach would leap when the pilots’ planes rolled, and I would gasp during each nosedive as though I had never seen it before.

The most phenomenal part of it all, though, was the amazing synchrony of the pilots and their planes as they flew in formation. The planes moved as though they were one, zipping and dipping and plunging and racing through the sky together. We spectators didn’t know what was going to come next, but because of their synchrony of thought and the infinite hours of practice that had gone into making the routine become second nature, the pilots didn’t have to think much about how to pull it all off. The communicated with each other through their on-board radios, but they were one in their thinking; their actions reflected that, forming a beautiful display for everyone watching.

As I thought about it all later, I was struck again by what I had seen and thought about what it must take to become one in thought with another person in that way. The pilots obviously had spent hours together in practice, but most likely, their relationship doesn’t stay on the airstrip when they go home at night. In all likelihood, the two share meals together, talk about their wives and their families and their day jobs, and enjoy other pastimes together. They put effort into their relationship because the display, which everyone sees, depends on it.

For those of us who enjoy the blessing of marriage, there is a lesson here for us. We have united with another person in a covenant relationship that is about more than the two of us. Our marriages are bigger than ourselves. The relationship of marriage is a demonstration of Jesus’ relationship with the church, and the strength of our marriages is crucial for conveying the Lord’s love for the world. As other people look at our marriages, they see God, and it is up to us to make sure that what they see is accurate.

A caveat, though: this is not something that can be faked. Just like the pilots could never fake the synchronization of their actions, we cannot fake the unity we experience in our marriages. We cannot create a perfect facade if the underlying relationship is far from ideal. It simply is not possible, so please do not gather from what I am saying that we should “fake it” so that people think we have wonderful marriages. Rather, we all need to realize that marriage takes work, and that none of us – none of us – is exempt from the effort required to make our marriages an accurate reflection of God’s love for the world. We must put time, effort, and energy into them if we want them to be beautiful. Beauty simply cannot be faked. Beauty reflects what lies under the surface. Is your marriage beautiful from the inside out? Can the word “beauty” describe what people see when they look at your relationships with your husbands? What do you need to work on to make it so?

For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)