Wield it like you mean it.

I never understood. I never got the concept of the Word of God being a sword. A double-edged sword, at that…one that I could swing in any direction and be sure that it would take down any enemy that came my way…one that I didn’t even have to know how to use perfectly or strongly. I never got it.

Friends would tell me that I should memorize Scripture, and I thought it was probably a good idea, but not for the reasons they meant. I figured it couldn’t hurt to have some of the truths of God in my mind, embedded there as permanently and without question as my own name or phone number. I thought it was probably a good way to stretch the muscles of memorization that have a sad tendency to atrophy once one exits the world of academia. I imagined that it was a good way to get on God’s “good side” – spending enough time reading His letter to us that we would eventually have parts memorized.

Clearly, I never got it.

When folks told me to memorize certain verses, or to write them on my bathroom mirror or post them in my car for moments when I most needed truth, I thought that was a nice idea. I bought some of those nice little bookmark-sized cards from the Christian bookstore and taped them in various places around my house and tucked them in my purse so that whether I wanted to or not, I would see them throughout my day. I think I liked some of the pictures on those cards more than the truths they were meant to impart; still, though, I was surrounded by the Word of God, and I knew that had to be a good thing. I even recommended verses to other people, but it was more because I liked the sound of them than because of any awareness of the power they held.

Still, I didn’t get it.

I took different Bible study classes and read different books that suggested certain verses for different situations. I underlined the verses in my Bible and wrote them in pretty-colored ink in my journal. I developed a vague awareness of what the Bible said about certain things (as in, “I think Paul says something about us being more than conquerors….or something….”) but never took the time or expended the energy to really embed the verses on my heart. I never made the effort because I didn’t get it.

I didn’t understand the power that was right at my fingertips, so I continued to struggle. I’d flail about in my panic and anxiety and depression, unaware that I had a powerful weapon in my holster, collecting dust and itching to be used. Like a tortured child in the schoolyard who doesn’t know that the teacher is nearby to stop it, I fought in vain, using my own strength (or lack thereof) to fight off something I was not meant to beat.

I just didn’t get it….

….until very recently. It’s hard for me to admit that I didn’t understand the double-edged sword of the Word of God for so long. Because of my position in the church and my personality, I let others think I got it long before I really did. Recently, though, it has become real to me, and now I want my mind to be nothing less than permeated with the holy, powerful, truthful Word of God.

I know a lot of verses, from my different methods of surrounding myself with them for so long, and I have a few that are my “go-to” verses. When the panic comes….or depression threatens….or anxiety knocks at the door, out comes the sword. It doesn’t always make sense in context, but it is truth and overrides even the most vicious of the enemy’s lies. I come out swinging.

“Be strong, courageous, and firm. Fear not, nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Be strong, courageous, and firm. Fear not, nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Be strong, courageous, and firm. Fear not, nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Be strong, courageous, and firm. Fear not, nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Be strong, courageous, and firm. Fear not, nor be in terror before them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.” (That’s Deuteronomy 31:6, in case you wondered.) Over and over I recite it, like a little kid with a plastic play sword. I swing without aiming at anything in particular, believing with all my might that the one who threatens me will be taken down by my weapon of all weapons.

And you know what? He is. He goes down as surely as he would if a giant rock nailed him in the forehead. Thud. He falls to the ground with a dust-flying, earth-shaking crash and I – victorious – place my sword back in its sheath. I’m a little shaken from the battle, but still I stand. The thoughts of panic and fear are replaced with those of love and truth. My racing heart is calmed and my trembling hands are stilled. I stand over my defeated enemy, completely aware that it is only by grace that it is him – and not me – lying motionless on the ground.

And at last, as though for the very first time, I get it. Oh, yes. I get it. My sword will not fail me. I just have to swing it and wield it like I mean it.

I finally get it. If I do my part, He will faithfully do His.

It only makes sense to maintain my arsenal. Just as we keep fire extinguishers in our homes and jumper cables in our cars – for those unexpected emergencies – so, too, should we keep the weapon of the Word of God close at hand. We never know when we might need it, but when we do, we’ll be so glad we thought to pack it.

What about you? What are your “go-to” verses? Do you need some? Let me know. I’ll be honored to help you pack your arsenal and teach you to wield it like you mean it. Comment here or email me. I mean it. I promise.

“Mommy and Me” Monday

This weekend, we avoided the sun and heat by attending a birthday party at one of those indoor party places. You know the ones: inflatables everywhere, the roar of the motors humming in the background, kids (and parents) sliding and jumping and screaming…. We thought it would be fun, but I don’t think Leah was quite ready for it yet. We spent most of the time there reassuring her that everything was okay and that we weren’t going to leave her. She did find an inflatable basketball goal, though, that she was quite fond of…until she and Daddy fell in.

Want to see more mamas with their little ones? Visit Krystyn today.

New Every Morning

Last week, I was on a cleaning frenzy. I had friends coming to visit for awhile, and I wanted everything to be in top notch condition when they got here so that I wouldn’t have to worry about cleaning or keeping up with housework while they were here. (Although with two little ones under one roof, the “top notch condition” didn’t last very long.)

As I cleaned, I became increasingly frustrated. I would tackle one portion of the mess and before I could turn around, Leah had created a brand new mess. I’d place something in the dishwasher, and as I closed it, I’d see that Leah had thrown all of her dishes from her play kitchen onto the floor. I’d fold clothes and put them in a basket, only to have her “help” me with the clothes as soon as I paused to put more clothes into the dryer. She’s not a really rambunctious or destructive child; she was just doing what toddlers do.

The frustration turned to gratitude, though, as God opened my eyes to a profound truth. As I vacuumed (again), this is what I heard Him speak into my heart, gently and lovingly:

“Jessica, how do you imagine that I must feel?”

A lump welled in my throat as His words sank in. See, God works to clean up my messes constantly. He redeems my mistakes and forgives my grievous errors as soon as I commit them. Because of His loving faithfulness and the new life I have in Jesus, I can begin each new day with a clean slate. I make a mess, and He cleans it up. He does it because He loves me. I’m not a rambunctious or destructive person, but am just doing what people do. I sin. We all do, and when we do, He is faithful to redeem it. His mercy – like the temporary cleanliness of my house – is new every morning, and though I – and every toddler in the world – immediately begin to destroy it, there’s always tomorrow. And tomorrow, we can start fresh.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. (Romans 7:15-20 MSG)

“Mommy and Me” Monday

This is my favorite time of the day. She’s getting sleepy and likes to cuddle…..her hair is damp and clean and combed…..she’s focused and curious and mesmerized by her stories…. I just love it. I’ll cherish these memories forever.

Want to see more? Go visit Krystyn today!

Summer Lovin’

We have friends visiting for a few days, so I’m probably going to be somewhat MIA for awhile. In the meantime, here are some recent shots of Leah thoroughly enjoying summertime. We’re having fun. Hope you are, too.

Carpe diem.

This post has been waiting in the wings for awhile now. A few months ago, when Scott and I began taking classes of Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University, I got out my calendar and wrote the class schedule.

Financial Peace. Financial Peace. No Financial Peace. Financial Peace. No Financial Peace.

my calendar, from earlier this year.

As I looked at the pages of my calendar, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we knew that far in advance how things would be? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could anticipate when the storms would come?”

Topsail Island, June 2010

If we knew, we could prepare. We could brace ourselves and make allowance for the impending troubles. We could stock up and store up and make sure we had what we would need when things got hard.

I think it would be nice, in one sense, but really….would I live any differently than I do now? Would I want to live so consumed by the future that I neglected today? Would I want to live in constant anticipation of what is to come, be it good or bad, joyous or painful? Would life be life if it was spent in a time that isn’t here yet?

I know some people who do that, and it consumes them. Every moment is spent thinking of moments that are still to come. That isn’t for me, though. I don’t know if I’d be able to live life today and, simultaneously, tomorrow. One of the two would be neglected, and I wouldn’t be happy with that. I don’t think I could be satisfied if my eyes were so focused on what lies ahead that I missed what is under my nose. Dread and fear - and even excitement - don’t settle well on my heart. Racing heart….restless nights… No, thank you.

I think part of responsible – and realistic – living is realizing that storms will come. We’ve been promised that there will be hard times and times that make us want to crawl back into bed for a few days. However, the same One who assured us of the hard times also beseeched us to live. To embrace the time we’ve been given. To have a life-full existence.

And what’s more, He – the One who created time itself – has promised that He has overcome the things that loom on the horizon. There’s no need to worry, because He – the cloud maker and wave tamer – has it in His hands. All we can do is to live today – entrusting it to Him – so that when tomorrow comes, we can again live for the day. Today is all I have, and I don’t want to spend it on tomorrow or yesterday. Thanks to Him, I don’t have to.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

Never the Same

Recently, I was sitting in a local restaurant when I saw someone I used to know. She and I went to high school together, and while we weren’t close friends, we talked when convenient and didn’t have any drama between us. We were acquaintances.

She was popular and pretty and very, very put-together. Very much so, and always made me feel somewhat inadequate in her high school perfection. I don’t know if she ever meant to, but she always made me feel small and unimportant and ugly and clumsy. With those memories fully intact, she still has that hold on me that the popular kids do. I cowered in the corner when I saw her the other day because I didn’t want her to see me. I wasn’t dressed nicely, didn’t have my act together that day and felt somewhat awkward, and – honestly – didn’t feel like I needed to be made acutely aware of my shortcomings. The entire time she was there I hoped and prayed she wouldn’t see me because she – or at least my memory of who she was – is so harshly perfect and I am, well, not. I cringed when she walked by my table, pretending to be busier than I was, hoping that even if she did see me, she wouldn’t recognize me or want to stop and talk. Sometimes I just don’t need to be face to face with that kind of perfection and with my own inadequacies.

As I cowered in my booth, though, I heard a small voice. It wasn’t her, and it didn’t squeal with delight, as old acquaintances do when they run into each other unexpectedly. The voice was one of gentle truth, and it said this:

“Jessica, are you the same person you were in high school? Do you want to be remembered for who you were ten years ago? Remember who you were then, and who – by my grace – you are today. Don’t you think I can do something like that in her life, too?”

Again, I cringed, but this time it was because of the stinging truth of the One who knows me better than I care to believe.

My past experiences with her are more a sign of my own insecurities than anything, and certainly were not indicative of deep sin or a serious need for mercy and grace and redemptive love, but it was enough to remind me that because of Jesus, none of has to forever be who we were or, even, who we are.

If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. The old things have gone; everything is made new! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Here we go.

A temper tantrum, in its ugly stages:

Stage 1: Beginning to become unhappy with the state of the world. Things are just not okay anymore, and something must give.

Stage 2: Seriously. Things are not okay, and will not be tolerated any longer.

Stage 3: I’m unhappy, and it’s time you knew it in a very real way. (Mommy didn’t get pictures of this one. You’ll understand why in .000034 seconds.)

Stage 4: So there.

Yep. That’s right. Leah has taken to biting when she’s upset and/or frustrated. Not much fun for Mommy. I’m sure I’ll have more to say about that very soon. In the meantime…..pray for us.

“T” is for Transparent

I love word games. I loved when teachers in elementary school would give us assignments to create an acrostic of our names, using words that describe ourselves. I’ve always had a decent vocabulary, so even though there were some challenging letters in my name and many duplicate letters, I easily found words that aptly described me: “jolly,” sometimes, or “jubilant,” or even, “jumpy.” There was one letter that seemed to stump me a lot, though: the letter T. It was on my last name (now my middle name), and I was never satisfied with my options.

Ticklish? Terrified? Tremendous? I don’t think so.

In recent months, though, I’ve figured out what that pesky T stands for. I never knew it before because it hadn’t yet been revealed as a part of who I am.

Transparent.

And I am. Like a window. You can see right through me because I don’t try to hide anything. That’s the point. Windows let light in, and that's how I survive. Without light, I'll die.

I’ve just learned that hiding my struggles or pretending that they aren’t there makes them worse. They are allowed to grow and run rampant when they are hidden in the dark recesses of my private life; when brought into the light, though, and allowed to be shared with others, they begin to wither. They start to wilt and break apart. Exposed to the brightness of Christ-centered relationships, the darkness and suffering of this world cannot survive.

So I’ll continue being transparent. I’ll share everything on my mind. I’ll let you know who I really am and what’s really going on in my life, because life is too short to pretend to be someone other than who I am. The only thing I can do well is be myself, and I am jolly. I am enthusiastic, silly, and a bit sensitive. I am sometimes intense, try to be caring, and strive to be authentic. And I am transparent.

(I am also a real Georgia girl….hence the picture of the peaches. Love ‘em.)

“The Hole in Our Gospel,” by Richard Stearns

I recently received a copy of The Hole in Our Gospel, by Richard Stearns, from the publishers. Y’all, this book is phenomenal. I’m not exaggerating.

Richard Stearns is the President of World Vision U.S., and the book tells of his journey from being a big-time CEO of a luxury goods corporation to being the head of an organization that works to combat poverty throughout the world. His experience of the transition in his life is powerful to read about, and while my own experiences are not nearly as extreme, I can relate to the thoughts he has had as he has encountered the reality of poverty and suffering in our world.

Essentially, he writes that there is a “hole” in our gospel. He asserts that while we – as followers of Jesus Christ – are willing to do many of the things He calls us to, we act as though His commands to care for the poor and suffering, the orphans and widows, are simply missing. We conveniently adhere only to the easy parts of the gospel, while callously distancing ourselves from one of the most important things we can do. The Christian church today has access to more resources than it has at any point in history, and the author challenges us to think about how future generations will remember us. Were we the church that stood up for those who cannot stand up for themselves, or did we blindly insulate ourselves from the pain in the world and leave the world no better than we found it?

It’s something to think about, and if you do, it could mess you up (in the wonderful way it has me).

My plants speak to me.

I’m a novice gardener and have a reputation of being cruel to my houseplants, but the few plants I do have around teach me a lot.

I bought this little cactus a couple of months ago because I loved the bright bloom and thought it would be a cheery addition to my kitchen windowsill. It never hurts to have something pretty to look at while scrubbing dishes.

Earlier this week, I noticed that my little cactus looked strange, so I poked it. (The quills on this particular cactus are only on the flower. Don’t worry.) Imagine my surprise when instead of resisting my poke, as a plant should, it crinkled. It crinkled like paper, and I could see the water sloshing inside the stem.

Like I said, I’m new at this, but I didn’t think that was normal. Not sure that there was anything I could do, I sat back and watched to see what would happen.

Sure enough. Today, just a few days later, the cactus is dead. It is completely withered. I’m not going to analyze why it might have died (because I’m almost positive that it’s my fault), but while the little cactus was on its death bed, it reminded me of something pretty profound.

A lot of us are walking around like that cactus. We look fine from the outside most of the time. We dress ourselves nicely, put on a smile, and face the world with the brightest outlook we can muster. No one suspects anything is wrong on the inside, because the outside looks so good.

All too often, though, we’re dying on the inside. We’re withering and crumpling and dying, and by the time anyone sees that something is wrong, it’s too late to do anything about it. We hide it for so long that we reach the point of no return before anyone knows we need rescuing.

That was a good reminder to me to allow others into my life – into my struggles and into my heartache – so that when I need rescuing and a helping hand, I can receive it while there’s still time. If I don’t allow people to help me, I have no one to blame but myself when I finally do collapse.

Perhaps that only makes sense to me….but it was a good reminder.

If one falls down, the other can help him up. But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help. (Ecclesiastes 4:10)

Zest for Life

Leah, in the pool....fully clothed.

I pray that she will always have this kind of zest for life….this type of uninhibited enthusiasm. That she will never stifle her personality because someone says it’s not proper, or fail to embrace what life has to offer just because she doesn’t want to be the only one doing something.

Two-Minute Commendation

I did something a little while ago that was intended to bless someone else….but I think I’m benefitting, too.

I went the other day to a local drug store to get my passport pictures done for my Belize trip. Surprisingly, it was a good experience. The girl who took and developed the pictures was very cheerful and professional, and her attitude made what could have been a tedious errand a bright spot in a day of chores. I appreciated it, so I called her manager this morning to “tattle” on her.

I told him what I just told you; he thanked me, promising to give her a formal commendation for her performance.

It took all of two minutes, if that, but it could have made a big difference for her. On the flip side, too, I feel really good for having listened to my heart and done a little something extra to bless someone who blessed me. I might make that a habit. Can you imagine what could happen if we all made an intentional effort to express appreciation of someone today? Can you imagine how good that would make people feel, knowing that they have made a difference and were noticed for their efforts?

Is there someone in your life who could use a two-minute commendation? Can you carve out a couple of minutes today to let them know you appreciate them?

The Return: “When We Were Little” Wednesday

When I was little, I loved road trips. All of my grandparents lived several hours away, so visiting them required an interstate journey in our humongous Ford Econoline van. That van was fantastic. The seats reclined way, way back. The very back seat flattened out into a bed and, in the somewhat less safety-conscious 1980s, my sisters and I would sprawl out back there, unhindered by pesky seat belts. We would play house back there and do all sorts of things as our family sped down the highway. It was heaven.

I always loved to sleep in the car on those trips. Some of my strongest childhood memories come from those late-night rides in the darkness. The low hum of my parents’ conversation in the front seat would fade into my dreams as I slept, and I would awake to music and more conversation, along with the strong smell of Mom and Dad’s coffee wafting from the carafe between their seats. Even today, the smell of coffee can take me back to those times. Those are sweet memories.

Last week on our family trip, I couldn’t help but think of that as I watched the beginnings of my own daughter’s childhood memories in the back seat.

If I can give her sweet and simple memories to fall back on when her life becomes somewhat more complicated, I’ll be satisfied.

My sisters and me, circa 1986 or so.

She cries.

At the beach last week, I felt like I could hear audible sobs as we walked on the beach. I looked out at the waves, and I almost cried myself. It was heart-wrenching to be there and know what is going on in waters not terribly far away. It killed me to think about it.

I know they are saying they’ll get it fixed, and I know they’re working on it. I know there are plans for cleanup….but I couldn’t help but wonder last week when the next time would be that we’d feel comfortable bringing our family on a vacation like that. The pessimist in me fears the worst. I’m just so scared and heartbroken.

If it upsets us this much, how anguished must the Creator of the beaches be? How He must weep for the waters that He gathered together and called “seas.” How He must despair for the animals He placed in those waters, and the birds of the air over them. How His heart must ache over the mess that man – created from His image – has allowed to happen.

I think of that, and I just ask one question: What have we done?

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters… And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good.

And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

Then God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." (Genesis 1:1-2, 9-10, 20-21, 27-28)

Lord, forgive us. Show us how to fix this. Show us what to do, and motivate us to do whatever it takes. Amen.

(All pictures are from coastal North Carolina, June 2010.)

The Super Mom in All of Us

We all know one. She’s the kind we love and, yet, simultaneously “hate.” She intimidates us in her perfection. She does it all, and does it all better than we could dream. Her kids are gorgeous, dressed like little porcelain dolls, and her house looks like the model home down the street. She cooks gourmet meals every night, and…..

Never mind. You get the picture. She’s Super Mom.

Do you know what I’ve recently come to realize, though? She’s probably not that different from us. That lady we know as “Super Mom” probably has closets she wouldn’t dream of letting anyone see, and probably whips up a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese now and then for her kids. Her kids might be watching a movie right now, instead of playing with the perfect age-appropriate educational toys. She probably takes a few shortcuts during her day, just to be able to cross something off of her “to do” list. She might even have towels souring in the washer. It could happen.

See, no one can be that perfect all the time. No one has everything perfectly together, and no one is the perfect Proverbs 31 woman. We all try, but despite how things may look to those we greet in church on Sunday or stand behind in the WalMart line, none of us is perfect. That lady you call “Super Mom”? She probably doesn’t think she’s doing all that well, either.

However, we all have something super about us. We do. We are all incredible at what we do in our own little way. I realized that the other day when I arrived home about 20 minutes before my husband and daughter were due home. Knowing I had a few minutes before they arrived, I jumped on the task of cleaning the bathrooms. By the time he pulled in the driveway, I was finished, the bathrooms were spotless…and he was astonished. “How do you do that so quickly?” he asked. “That’s amazing!”

And that got me thinking that we all have an itty-bitty Super Mom living inside of us. We all have something that we do really well as we go about our jobs of taking care of our families and homes. If we let ourselves think that way, we’re likely to find something that we can’t deny we are good at. For me, it happens to be that I can do any of a variety of household chores really quickly. It may take me awhile to get to them…..*ahem*……but once I get started, it’s as good as finished.

What is it for you? As you think through your day today, what will you allow yourself to admit that you do well? Are you willing to pat yourself on the back for something? Are you willing to admit that you might have something in common with the Super Mom in your life? Is it too much of a stretch to think that way?

“Mommy and Me” Monday

These were (obviously) at the beach last week. On Monday, when we first walked out on the beach, Leah was not thrilled with the sand and the water. We walked with her, we splashed in the water with her, we showed her the shells….she didn’t want anything to do with it. Thankfully, Grandma and Grandaddy were there and applied their expertise to the situation. After much coaxing, she warmed up to the idea and had fun the rest of the week.

Go visit Krystyn today for more mamas and babies!

Ten Months

(L) August 2009 and (R) June 2010

A lot happened between the first picture and the second. It’s amazing what a difference ten months can make.

(Pictures were taken at South of the Border.)

Little Beach Angel

We spent the last few days at the beach in North Carolina, and it was fantastic. Quiet….peaceful….relaxing…. Everything a vacation should be.

It took some coaxing to get Leah to play ON the beach, rather than cling to us as though her life depended on it. Once she experienced the fun that is sand, though, she was enamored and there was no keeping her from it.

She played with buckets of water. She flung sand with her purple shovel. She destroyed Daddy’s sand castles. She played chicken with the waves and chased the seagulls. She drank cup after cup of juice (and some sea water), and collected rocks and shells. She laughed at Daddy playing in the water, and watched other kids playing in the sand.

All in all, she had a pretty good time, I think.

We all did, and we’re so thankful to have had the opportunity to spend that time together as a family. Those kinds of memories won’t fade anytime soon.