The Game

This is the first time I’ve written about this; in fact, I spoke about it for the first time just the other night.

It was Saturday night, and I was getting my clothes ready for church Sunday morning. I had done some laundry, but not enough, and my already diminished post-partum wardrobe was even more slim (no pun intended) than usual. In addition, my big toe had been smashed my by vacuum cleaner a couple of days earlier, making it nearly impossible to wear any closed-toe shoes. With these limitations already put on my selection, things were further complicated when my brain kicked in.

“You wore that color last week.”

“She will be in something nicer than that. You have to do better.”

“Adults don’t dress like that. They’ll laugh if you do.”

“If you want to fit in, you’ll need to wear something trendier than that.”

“That makes you look too fat. Everyone will notice your bra and panty lines.”

“That makes you look too thin. You’ll look sick.”

“That is too old. They’ll think you never buy anything new.”

“What do you think she will be wearing?”

“She would never wear something like that. Pick something else.”

My husband came in, wondering what was wrong, and all I could say was, “I don’t want to play The Game anymore. I just don’t want to play.”

On and on it went – and on and on it always goes. Every. Single. Day. Every thought I have is measured against an impossible standard set out for me by the world. Every idea, every article of clothing, every word must be carefully measured to see if it fits what I would be expected to be as a player in The Game.

What is The Game? I think you know. Here are the rules:

1 – Look like everyone else.

2 – Talk like everyone else.

3 – Act like everyone else.

4 – Second guess everything you wear, say, and do, asking yourself constantly, “What will they think?'”

5 – Compare yourself to what you see in everyone else.

6 – Work at being like everyone else, or at being someone everyone else will approve of, and beat yourself up if you “fall short.”

When you no longer know who you are and couldn’t be “you” if your life depended on it, you’re on your way….not to winning, but to perpetuating the cycle. At that point, you have to constantly wonder what someone else would do or think or say or wear because you, as you were born to be, no longer exist.

I’ve been playing The Game for far too long, and I have no interest in playing any more. I quit. In fact, let’s all quit, shall we? Let’s all resign from this pointless, meaningless endeavor, forcing The Game out of business due to a lack of players. Join me, won’t you?

Actually…..if you have any idea whatsoever on how to quit The Game…..enlighten me. If I knew how to do it, I would have done it a long time ago.