Memo to Myself

My ten-year high school reunion was just recently. As I wrote on Clare’s blog a couple of weeks ago, I was unsure as to whether or not I would be going; ultimately, I chose not to go and have no regrets. Knowing that it was happening, though, I have had some reminiscent thoughts about that time of my life and about how much I have grown and changed since then. There are a lot of things I would love to tell the high school version of myself if given the chance.

Here is some of what I would say.

Jess, your world is so small. There is so much more going on than you know, and so much out there that you cannot even fathom at this point in your life. It’s not your fault. You’ve had a good childhood and adolescence that have shielded you from much of what the world has going on. The experiences you’ve had, though common to many people in the world, are not the only experiences there are to be had.

Give God a chance. Stop running from the youth pastor at your church, and really listen to the sermons. There is a lot of really good stuff in there, and a lot of it is what you’ve been looking for. There is someone who sees you as beautiful. There is someone who loves you unconditionally. There is truth and love and mercy and grace, and it’s all within your reach. The way you are isn’t the way you always have to be. Stop running and listen.

Don’t worry so much about finding the man you’re going to marry. He’s closer than you think, and it’s going to be better than you’re dreaming it will be. Relax, enjoy your years as a single young woman, and work on loving yourself. The time will come, and so will Mr. Right.

Your grades aren’t nearly as important as you think they are. The number and corresponding letter on the paper are important, yes, but it is more important that you learn the value of goals and working toward them tirelessly. Being in the Top Ten of your graduating class will feel good at the time, but when you look back on this time, you’ll wish you hadn’t stressed so much about it. Enjoy this time more. It’s the most carefree time in your life, believe it or not, and you don’t want to have regrets about it. The same goes for college, too, by the way.

Cherish your friendships, and don’t ever forget how hard it was to make those friends. Remember that friendships don’t just happen, and they don’t grow and blossom overnight. Relationships like these take time, and they don’t come along every day. Don’t let them go without a fight.

Do, though, let go of things that make you dislike yourself. You do not need anything in your life that makes you doubt yourself, dislike who you are, or wish you were someone else. You are beautiful the way you are, and comparing yourself to others will never get you anywhere. Love yourself, and leave no room for things that make you feel otherwise.

Dare to dream, but don’t let anyone else’s dreams for you replace what you really want for yourself. You know yourself better than anyone else, and your dreams are worth striving for. Don’t change your dreams or your hopes or your wishes to fit someone else.

Listen to the advice of your elders. As it turns out, they have a lot of wisdom to share with you, and they aren’t nearly as clueless as you’ve made them out to be. You don’t have to heed everything they say, but give it some thought. There are some pearls in there.

Most of all, get to know yourself. Put aside any and all doubts and insecurities and fears so that you can get out there and try new things. Some of those new things you’ll never try might be your life’s passions, but you’ll never know it if you never give it a shot. Don’t worry about failing or looking stupid or having people look at you funny. Worry more about regretting that you didn’t try.

I know you’ll struggle with some of these things forever, but start working on them now. If you get a head start, you might make some actual progress and have something to tell everyone about at your ten-year reunion.

That is, if you decide to go.

Love, Me/You