Oh, my sweet and silly girl. She’s been a delight lately, making me laugh and playing and getting into things…. She’s just so much fun, and I’m trying to spend as much time with her as I can. I always do, but anticipating my trip to Belize has made it even more important than normal.
I hate the thought of leaving her. Every night, when I’m sleepy and my thoughts veer toward the irrational, I begin to cry as I think about what she might think when I’m not around for a few days. “Promise me she won’t think I’ve abandoned her,” I tell Scott. “Promise me she’ll understand more than I think she will.” He obligingly promises me that she’ll be okay, and that she’ll know I’m coming back, and that on some level she understands far more than we think she does…..but still I cry. I just hate the thought of her sitting and wondering where I am.
So I try to talk to her and tell her what’s about to happen. She seems to look right through me, processing what I’m saying on some level. She tilts her head and says, “Beez?” when I talk to her about Belize, and says, “Mama go?” as I explain that I won’t be here for a little while. I still question how much she’ll understand….and I still worry.
She’ll be fine. She’ll be in good hands and will be very well taken care of….but I just worry. I’m her mama, so I worry.
I leave in a little more than a week, and until then I’m going to be spending as much time as I can with my sweet family and doing everything in my power to prepare everyone involved for what’s coming. That’s as much of an explanation as I can offer for my recent and upcoming absence. I’ll be back, and I’ll have lots to say when I am. Until then….be well.
