Never the Same

Recently, I was sitting in a local restaurant when I saw someone I used to know. She and I went to high school together, and while we weren’t close friends, we talked when convenient and didn’t have any drama between us. We were acquaintances.

She was popular and pretty and very, very put-together. Very much so, and always made me feel somewhat inadequate in her high school perfection. I don’t know if she ever meant to, but she always made me feel small and unimportant and ugly and clumsy. With those memories fully intact, she still has that hold on me that the popular kids do. I cowered in the corner when I saw her the other day because I didn’t want her to see me. I wasn’t dressed nicely, didn’t have my act together that day and felt somewhat awkward, and – honestly – didn’t feel like I needed to be made acutely aware of my shortcomings. The entire time she was there I hoped and prayed she wouldn’t see me because she – or at least my memory of who she was – is so harshly perfect and I am, well, not. I cringed when she walked by my table, pretending to be busier than I was, hoping that even if she did see me, she wouldn’t recognize me or want to stop and talk. Sometimes I just don’t need to be face to face with that kind of perfection and with my own inadequacies.

As I cowered in my booth, though, I heard a small voice. It wasn’t her, and it didn’t squeal with delight, as old acquaintances do when they run into each other unexpectedly. The voice was one of gentle truth, and it said this:

“Jessica, are you the same person you were in high school? Do you want to be remembered for who you were ten years ago? Remember who you were then, and who – by my grace – you are today. Don’t you think I can do something like that in her life, too?”

Again, I cringed, but this time it was because of the stinging truth of the One who knows me better than I care to believe.

My past experiences with her are more a sign of my own insecurities than anything, and certainly were not indicative of deep sin or a serious need for mercy and grace and redemptive love, but it was enough to remind me that because of Jesus, none of has to forever be who we were or, even, who we are.

If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. The old things have gone; everything is made new! (2 Corinthians 5:17)