To any and all mothers of babies who find themselves in my line of vision:
I’m sorry I stare at you. I realize it could be kind of creepy and a little disconcerting to have this strange person watching you and your child as you eat lunch or grocery shop or walk through a parking lot, and that’s why I try really hard not to stare for too long or to let you see me watching. I know you have seen me, though, and I’m sorry.
The thing is, I have to stare. I have to keep looking because what I see is so beautiful and so fleeting that even though I don’t know you and have no emotional bond to your little bundle of joy, I have to watch while I can. I have to soak it in.
My little one is increasingly not little, and the days I see you living and sharing with your child have passed for me. They seemed long and tedious when I was in the middle of them, but looking back, I wonder where they went and how they went so quickly. My sweet girl is a long way already from those sweet days of complete dependence and fascination with the world, and it makes me so sad to realize how quickly even this new stage of stretching independent muscles and curious exploration will pass.
So please forgive me for staring, and please forgive me if while I stare at you I don’t see you at all. Forgive me if in your place I picture myself, and in the place of your sweet baby I see the little girl I once knew. Forgive my sad smiles as I catch your eye, and forgive the wistful look on my face as I look away. Despite the thousands of pictures I have stored away and the hours and hours of memories queued up like a reel of movie film, it is not enough. I cannot get that time back, and so I must vicariously enjoy it through you.
Please don’t get me wrong, sweet new mother. You have many, many, many joys ahead of you. Your weak and helpless baby will soon transform into a toddler with personality and opinions and a character you can only dream of now, and you will smile and laugh and love more than you ever thought possible. It is wonderful. It really is.
As wonderful as it is, though, it is different. And so I implore you: cherish this time. Don’t for one second think those long nights will never end, because they will. Don’t complain about the difficulty of changing and clothing a tiny body, because it will not be tiny for long. Don’t fret about not knowing what your baby wants because verbally, she can’t tell you. She will soon enough. Enjoy today. Cherish it.
And please….please forgive me if I continue to stare.
Sincerely,
Me
4 of your thoughts:
see, it's the time thing...i have anxiety about it too. lol. I just want to be present, really BE PRESENT in every moment of their lives and soak it all in, REALLY soak it all it.
I know we can't make more time, and I do try to make the most of every moment with them, b/c life and childhood is so fleeting..but when I let it, it does bring me anxiety!
I <3 people watching as well!
I wouldn't go back if I could because these toddler/little boy years are amazingly humorous and I enjoy the interaction - but wow! - the simplicity and beauty of an infant is so sweet and I enjoy watching other moms with their babies.
I can't believe how big she's getting and that I still haven't met her yet. And if we can get a car within the next months you might *fingers crossed* get a visit from us because we can't really afford a real vacation where we stay at a place that you pay for. We thought we could, but we can't. But we need to get away. OH we need it so badly.
I've found that mothers love to be approached and chatted with about their babies and how they respond to them in public. Even it's just for you to tell them that it's a beautiful baby and that you enjoy them as much as you do Leah.
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