Things are looking up. Sometimes all you need is a little perspective…and a few kind words from sweet friends...and a couple of hours to do something completely unrelated to my mommyhood.
Thank you, sweet friends, for speaking encouraging words to me this week. It means the world to me to know that I can tell you about whatever I have going on and that you’ll all still be here…and you all care. I probably should have known that already, but it really does mean a lot to have that reinforced.
Thanks again.
I was probably harder on myself than I needed to be. (Nothing new there.) I think sometimes the reality of what I’m doing – devoting my life…day in, day out – to raising this little person to be the very best version of herself that she can be, loving God and respecting herself and believing that her life is for a purpose greater than herself…is just a lot to take in. It’s overwhelming. It’s daunting. It’s scary and frustrating and requires me to be more selfless than I think I can be. Sometimes I just really, really don’t think I can do it.
Or maybe I can…..but I can’t do it well.
And those times, thankfully, are the times that make me realize that I don’t have to do it. I don’t have to figure it out, and I don’t have to get it just right. I can never have the wisdom and the love and the selflessness required to be the mom God needs me to be to this little girl. I can’t. Not on my own. With God’s help, though, I can. He'll give me what I need.
And that’s what I have to cling to. I’m trying. I’m really, really trying. In the meantime, I know I have some kindred spirits who can help to uplift and encourage me as we all try to do the best we can. Thanks, ladies.
7 of your thoughts:
Oh, I know how you feel. Having a little one is such a big job (bigger than I ever knew) and I often don't feel like I can do it well. I want to do such a good job, but it's hard. I'm thankful you and I both have the Lord to give us what we need. What would we do without him?!
Thanks for sharing this. It's comforting to know there is someone else who has these feelings too. I wish I had better words, but at least know you're not alone.
Saying a prayer for you...
Tea
See, sweetie. What you feel, think, and experience is nothing new or unique. I think every mother goes through it, no matter how old or young. Like I told you earlier today, I remember all too well those feeings, and it was a few years back. And my goodness, with all my worry and concerns, look at what I got in YOU and your sisters! It was worth every single minute. I am so proud of all of you and I don't mind taking some of the credit.
I love you and what you are.
My word verification: angst
Great, no?
Wow. I happened on your blog thriugh a series of other blogs several days ago - today I came back and wow. Your last two post is what I needed to read!
I just had my little gift from God six weeks ago. Within the last 24 hours I have argued with my husband, question God with "why" and felt like the world has just been dropped on my shoulders.
I am having to return back to work in another two weeks. Not because I want to but because my husband has been out of work for the last 18 months. Since being laid off, my job has became our financial support and is what is providing our family with insurance. Unfortunatly in my husband line of work, the only jobs available would require a 2+ hour commute!
Also all that has been offered has been temporary positions, with no benefits, and would not even hardly pay for childcare.
I have felt so insecure in my role as a mother and knowing that I am going to have to leave her soon has me feeling like such a failure.
I had a c-section and develped temporary high blood pressure afterwards. So for the first few weeks my husband (other than for breastfeeding times) had to take care of our daughter mainly. He's done wonderfully, seeming like a natural. This has made me feel more like a failure as a mother.
Today everything seemed to just come crumbling down -This week I found out my grandmother is not doing well, my bother whose in his early 30's may have a serious eye condition, and today one of our older horses is not doing well and we don't know if he will make it.
I picked a fight with my husband - who is also struggling with our financial/work situation - over something so little and unimportant! All evening - while at the barn - I've prayed and prayed, trying to remember that I should bot be leaning toward my own understanding, that God is in control, he will brinf me through it all...
Satan has still been there whispering that I should have better control of my life - that the reason all this is happening is because I've bitten off more than I can handle and that because I'm not in control - I'm a failure!
During one of our feedings just now I came across your last two post and seeing you boldly admit your situation and feelings and seeing others encouraging comments - I realized I'm not alone and there is a light a the end of the tunnel so to speak. That's is okay to have a bad day, a bad week or even month. That this is a season of life that I will get through, that I'm not a failure - just a "mommy in training" and this season in life will pass.
Sorry for the rambling, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing , God definately used you to be my light! Thank you!
It is daunting to have this person wholly depend on you. I just keep thinking how messed up people always blame their mothers in therapy. ANd I'm like, "I don't want Noelle to have scars from me!" But you're right. We don't have to be perfect. We just have to love them and love God. He'll show us how to raise them. Afterall, we were raised by imperfect mommies and we love them all the same.
Weezer is so correct about having feelings like these no matter how old you get! Look at me! I still think about all of you and wonder how I have missed out on so many wonderful things in your lives. But I am so proud of all "my girls" and now our three new little girls! Just know these are the memories you will look back on in the years to come.
Stop by Weezers Haven and see what's been left for you there.
Thank goodness that God is enough and sufficient!! Let's hold on to that promise and do the best we can!!
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