Baby Steps

Last night was hard and wonderful at the same time. When Scott came home I didn't even have to tell him that I didn't go to work yesterday (again)...his dad had stopped by my office to make a donation or something and saw I wasn't there...he called Scott and asked where I was...Scott was a little flustered because until that moment he didn't know I was at home... I had wanted to keep Scott's family blissfully unaware of what is going on with me, just because I feel kinda like I'm still in the phase of trying to make a good impression and trying to fit in with them. I don't know how they'll understand or how they'd react if they all knew...but I guess I'm going to find out soon enough. In all reality, it'll be fine and it'll probably be some sort of a relief to have them all know, so I don't have to be all plastic around them, but at the same time I don't want everyone treating me like I'm weak and sick and fragile. I don't want to be pampered. Anyhow, Scott knew I couldn't stay there in the house last night or I'd keep thinking about it all and would probably cry all night, which is obviously not very helpful. He made me put my shoes on and took me out on a little date, just like nothing was wrong. He took me to Putt-Putt (miniature golf, for those of you without Putt-Putt) and to IHOP.... It was so sweet. It got my mind off of it for a while, which was much-needed, but then as we waited for our French toast I started thinking about it again. I'm really having a hard time with this, y'all. I'm going to get over it, I know, but until then.... I sent an email to my boss last night and explained things as best as I could, just because I needed her to know as much as she could and I needed her to know that I'm not making this up somehow. She sent me the name of a Christian counselor she knows and also the name of a lady she knows who's a psychologist and prays with people for healing.... I've called the counselor already. Left a message, so the ball is at least out of my court now. I guess this is progress. I don't feel like I've done much, but I know it's going to take a lot of little baby steps to climb over this mountain.