Where I Am Today

Imagine this. Imagine that you're in this old, musty castle. Somewhere in Europe, maybe, or maybe it's the remnants of a great old lighthouse on the Atlantic coast somewhere. You're standing in it, and you're almost overwhelmed with the history of the place. You can feel the history - the worn bricks under your feet, the smooth handrails, the cracked window panes, the broken brick walls. You can feel the cool breeze as it wafts in a glassless window, and you squint in the brightness of the sunlight. The distant roar of the ocean and the laughs of children playing outside fill your ears. It is a sensory experience like few others, and although you have your camera, you know it would never begin to capture this moment.

Now imagine that you're in that same place as it is being renovated. You stand in the same spot, breathing the fresh air and marveling at the blueness of the sky. You close your eyes and run your hands along the worn railing and cherish the moment....only to open your eyes and have a man in a hardhat standing in front of you with bricks and mortar. A far cry from the regal historic figure you were imagining, he startles you as he pushes past you to replace the broken bricks. As he works, you can do little to stop him from closing in the "window" you so enjoyed and from replacing the dangerously rickety handrails you loved so much. It looks less and less like the same place the longer he works. The old and worn replaced by the new and perfect....the priceless stories replaced by the cheapness of modern industry. Worst of all, the breeze is blocked. The darkness is closing in on you, and as you stand by the diligently working construction worker, all you can do is remember what you once cherished. The cool, refreshing breeze. The sharpness of the sunlight as it broke through the darkness. The peaceful and joyous sounds from outside. You can only remember what it was like and hope that maybe you can find that again somewhere, sometime.

That's where I am. I had such a clear view of God - who He was and what He's like - once before, but somehow I've lost that picture. I've lost my unimpeded view of it all and I can only remember what it was like. I remember the cool breeze on my face and the warmth of the sun. I remember the joy and the hope of a moment that would never end. I remember that, but I can't get it back. It's like I have to somehow find another precious spot, another way to get to Him now. I can't go back the way I came, and I can't find Him in the same place I did before. I've changed and it has changed and it wouldn't be the same anyway. I find consolation, though, knowing that when I find Him again...when I again feel that closeness to Him...HE will be exactly the same. I'm a different person and we'll meet in a different place, but He, at least, will be the same as He was the last time we met.