Belize

Do you know the feeling of being terrified and excited? Thrilled and skeptical? Being eager and, yet, full of dread?

I do.

A couple of months ago, my church sent a small team to Belize for the purposes of scouting out opportunities for us to develop a long-term missions relationship with the people there. We want to go to the same place, visiting the same people, several times a year over a long period of time. That’s the goal: to share Quest’s mission of experiencing God, experiencing relationships, and experiencing change with the people of Belize.

The team found our contacts. The team found where we are needed. The team scheduled a trip for this November.

And…I’m going. I am going to Belize for nearly a week. This year. In a few months.

I can’t lie to you. I’m scared. I’ve never been on a mission trip before, and I’ve certainly never done anything like this since being married and becoming a mom. My fears cover the gambit: scared of going without Scott, scared of leaving Leah, scared of traveling to a new place, scared of taking on a leadership role in something I’ve never done before. I’m scared of being a bad mom and a bad wife because I’m leaving my little girl and my husband for so long.

I’m going to be a co-leader of the worship team that’s going. What does that mean? I’m not entirely sure myself, but it could mean speaking and teaching in worship settings. Preaching. Me. In Belize.

So yes, I’m scared. But I’m very excited. I’ve felt for a long time that this is something I wanted to try, and I’ve felt recently that God is doing something big in my life and in my church community. I'm sure that God is telling me to go, and I’m excited to see what’s going to happen…though yes, I’m very, very scared.

Do I sound a little confused and flustered?