Shady

Dear Creepy Guy in WalMart Wearing Sunglasses,

You are not blind. I know this, because you were reading that package of cheese. Cheese packages don't come in Braille, so I thereby make this assumption and can proceed with the rest of my note to you without worrying that I'm going to offend you.

You are obviously aware that sunglasses provide you the ability to stare at people without them knowing it. What you apparently do not realize, though, is that this only works if your face is not pointed directly at them, and if you aren't stalking them through WalMart. It also only works without raising suspicion if you're wearing them in a place where sunglasses are needed.....namely, not WalMart.

Sunglasses only cover your eyes, my creepy shopping companion. I can't see your eyes, no, but I do see that your head is pointed in my direction every. single. time. I look in your direction.

Unless I have the uncanny ability to always be standing in front of what you want to look at, I'm going to have to ask you to stop it. For the love of all things, stop it.

You might be a very nice and normal person. If you are, please end the injustice you are doing yourself and take off the creepy glasses.....and stop staring at other shoppers. It gives the impression that you are creepy and sketchy and to be avoided. And if you're not nice and normal, please let me know when your normal shopping days are so that I can arrange my schedule accordingly.

Sincerely,
Me