Cause and Effect

There are a few questions I ask myself many times every day. I see Leah act a certain way, or do a certain thing, and I ask myself, in different ways, what might be making her act that way.

Is she hungry? Does she need a snack?

She didn’t sleep very well last night. Is she getting sleepy?

That eighth tooth still hasn’t popped through. Could her gums be hurting her?

She’s definitely a toddler now….is she just needing to exercise her independence?

In asking myself these kinds of questions, I can figure out how to respond to her and, hopefully, how to meet whatever need she has at that moment. When I know why she’s being unruly or disobedient or destructive or clingy, I’m more compassionate and better able to respond in the way that she needs her mama to respond.

If she’s hungry, I can get her a banana. If she’s tired, we can cuddle in the recliner for awhile and she might take a little nap. If her gums are aching, I can get the Orajel or one of her ice packs for her to gnaw on.

Whatever her need is, the point is this: there is a reason she’s acting how she’s acting, and there is something she needs from me to make it better. Because I’m her mama, it’s my responsibility to take care of it. She is in the clutches of something she can’t handle on her own, and I have what she needs.

That sort of logic and reasoning doesn’t just apply to my relationship with my daughter. Every day when I’m out and about, at the grocery store or on the interstate or waiting in line at the bank, I am surrounded by people…and many of them act in ways that make me ask questions.

Why in the world….?

What’s the rush?

Is it all really that bad?

When I ask those questions, the answers usually don’t come as easily as they might with Leah. I don’t know the lady in the produce section or the trucker who nearly runs me off the road or the angry man in line for the ATM, after all, so I don’t know what might be causing whatever behavior I’ve been so lucky to witness. The questions themselves, though, remind me of one very important thing.

Everyone has a story. Everybody has a reason for acting the way they are acting. Bad days, cranky children, dissolving marriages, unfulfilling jobs, ailing parents, missed callings, car troubles, empty bank accounts, and lonely hearts – among many, many other things – bring out the worst in each of us. Those things parade into people’s lives and bring on behavior no one is proud of. Just like a toddler with throbbing gums, adults have things that cause unseemly behavior and require a little extra grace.

And we, the people they come in contact with every day, have what they need: compassion, grace, and understanding. The struggles of their lives aren’t real to us, but they are very, very real to them. There may be nothing we can do about the actual situation, but we can be there for the people living with it.