.....I sit in eager anticipation of meeting my God. I'm in a place right now that's teaching me a lot - I'm seeking Him and wanting more and more of Him, and He's faithfully meeting me right where I am.
I'm learning to trust Him. Different scenarios - some I've written about, some I haven't - have me in a place where I just need Him - only Him - because I'm completely helpless and unable to do anything about my circumstances. Literally, there is nothing I can do. There are times of desperation that lead us to extreme measures that aren't particularly helpful, but let us feel accomplished and satisfied that we have, at least, done something to change our situation (even if it didn't work, or the change that came was not for the best). My situaion now is not like this. There is nothing at all that I can do, one way or another, to change anything at all.....except my mindset.
My mind is tagging along with me on this journey, and it isn't always enthusiastic about the road we're traveling. I'm learning, though, that keeping my mind focused on God is the best way for me to see things differently. Without fail, when I take my eyes off Him, things become fuzzy and scary and overwhelming. I'm so thankful for this new study I'm emabarking on. Right at this moment in my life when I most need to hear from God, I just *happen* to be doing a study on how to better discern His voice.
Discerning His voice is like the trust thing I've been dealing with. You think you're doing it - and doing it well - until something requires that you do it every second of every day. That time for me is now, and it has shown me that I am so far from having things figured out - so far from being able to sit comfortably in my faith. I have so much to learn. As it turns out, those things I've thought I was doing all along will only be learned now, in the time that I most need them. With a realization like that, it's hard to be angry about my circumstances. I know He's doing this for my own sanctification, and is bringing me more into His likeness through this mess. I know that for a fact, and I'm actually excited, in a way, to be here. That's not to say that I'm enjoying this. Not at all! This is so hard, and so frustrating, and so scary.....but I'm grateful that He's teaching me something through this and He's going to bring me out on the other side (whatever that side might look like) a better person who knows Him better.
2 of your thoughts:
I think that any time we think we're doing what we should be doing in the religious/God-centered way, it's probably a time when we actually arent....for two reasons...
1) I think we get cocky, and the moment we're like that we have probably stopped leaning on him, and feeling the need for him because we're OBVIOUSLY thinking that we are sufficient in our own abilities at which point we are absoLUTELY setting ourselves up for failure in the very thing we think we're succeeding in because we can do nothint without him
and
2) I think that God brings us to Him in levels. Like, there's never a moment when we can say, "Aha! I've arrived! I'm as close to God and His will as I can get." I think he brings us up steps. Probably you HAD learned to trust him up to that point but then he was showing you that there is SO much more to trusting him than you thought, there's this whole new level...and when you master this one there will be another, and another until you are finally with him face to face and just basking in his glory unhindered and uninhibited. God's cool like that. He is the ultimate expert at using Bloom's Taxonomy--and teaching to our learning styles!
and AMEN to your attitude! That's a girl!!! ( I speak as if I have learned but I feel you are WAY more spiritually advanced than I am... )
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