Today I'm feeling overwhelmed. Not stressed, really. Just overwhelmed. I have so much going on, all the time, and while I love it all, I feel like something is going to have to go. Something has to stop. I feel like I can't do anything really well because I'm trying to do so many things moderately well. I feel like I'm barely treading water.
The hard thing is that most of the things that are causing me to feel this way are things I do for the church.
I am on the Worship Design team, and as a part of that team I do the welcome, introduction, and announcements every Sunday. I love doing this. In a weird twist, this introvert really likes speaking in front of people. (I'm a study in contradictions.) It gives me a creative outlet, of sorts, as I try to think of ways to draw people in to the worship service and introduce whatever ambitious topic we're tackling that day. This does require some preparation, though, and some anxiety (usually on Sunday mornings as I'm getting ready for church, as I try to sort my thoughts out so I know what I'm going to say when I step on the stage).
I organize the devos. These are devotionals written every week by members of the Quest community. Every week I make sure everyone has the topic, understands what to do, and gets them in to me on time (ha!). Then on Sunday morning, I spend the better part of an hour printing and folding them to insert them into the bulletins. Then I post them online. It's time consuming and stressful........especially when people decide not to write one and don't tell me. It's always fun to have to write something inspirational when you haven't thought about it at all beforehand..........or better yet, have already written something on that topic and now have to write something else that sounds completely different..........at the last minute because someone else blew off the assignment. I like writing them, yes. Organizing them? Not so much. If I didn't do it, though, I don't know who would, and they're important. They have to be done.
I lead a cell group with Scott. Granted it's a small group, with only two other couples besides ourselves, and it's pretty casual. It's still something I have to think about. Something else I have to plan for. Something else that I feel suffers when my attention is so scattered. I hate that, too. Cell groups are supposed to move people toward change. They're supposed to help people grow spiritually and connect with other people in similar life situations as they are in spiritual ways. When I don't have time to prepare....or feel like I've just thrown something together....I feel like I'm cheating everyone out of something that could be powerful and life-changing. That just doesn't happen when the lesson is shoddy and we end up chatting about random stuff for an hour instead of diving into and discussing Scripture.
Most recently, I've been working on adapting my pastor's sermons for print. He has a very conversational style, if you've never heard him, and this takes some work. Our dream is to have them professionally printed and bound so that they can be distributed to people who might be more inclined to read something than listen to it - those people do exist! I am thrilled to no end to be doing this. My dream is to be published. I long for that. In no way do I NOT want to do this.
We had a sermon a few months ago about being pruned. We talked about how sometimes things have to be cut out of our lives so that God can grow us into the people He wants us to be, and how those things that have to go can really be anything at all. It can be sin, a hobby that takes to much of your time......even something you do for the church (under the ruse of serving) that is a burden and keeps you from thriving. I don't feel like I'm blooming, and I think it's because I'm being held back by something. I've prayed about it, and I still don't know what I'm supposed to do. Of all the things that are cluttering my time and my mind, it's probably the devos that are causing me the most stress, but I can't quit them because someone has to do them and I don't have anyone on the devo team that might want to step up and take over.
Drr. How did this happen? All I wanted to do was serve God in my church, and it's become this monster that's dragging me under water.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Treading Water
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I bet a lot of people involved in ministry could echo everything you just said. My husband used to serve on staff at a church, and it was kind of a 2-for-1 thing in their minds....pay Scott, and we get Chanda for free! It's hard to serve in an area you are not really passionate about, but I know Jesus was glorified through what I did as long as I did it for Him. There were a lot of days that I wondered who was being robbed of their blessing in service to Him....someone who would be passionate about the things I dreaded, and would find a viable place within the Body through those areas that I was worn out with.
I'm praying right now that you would know whether to step down, and that if you do, that that someone He has placed within your church to fill your spot will answer His call. Until then, know that you are glorifying Him every time you make a sacrifice in His Name.
Glad I met you, Jessica.
Did someone say kindred spirits? yep!
I TOTALLY know how you feel! These are things I struggle with all the time! I feel like I have two full time jobs--mine, and Dave's, and I ultimately ALWAYS have to cut down on ministry. I feel that people who minister often do so to such an extent that they neglect to get ministered to. Like, for instance, leading worship, I become so technical, thinking about how the songs sound, that I fail to be able to just let go of myself and worship the Lord. I guess, ultimately, you'll have to decide what your'e going to stop doing. And I understand your saying that if you don't do them no one else will because often I've had to go into church when I was dog sick because I was helping with something that no one else could do you know? Lately, Dave and I have stopped helping lead worship. Granted, we've just asked to have our own contemporary team to lead once a month, but still, I think it's a less stressfull decision than leading every week and having practice every week. We have young adult bible studey on Tuesday which I had stopped going to for a while, and then re-commenced to going to because I NEED TO GET FED and then youth group on wednesdays and tons of other stuff that goes on for the church de vez en cuando y muchas veces como 2 o 3 veces por mes. Anyhoo, God knows what you can handle and if you're feeling this way, I think you need to surrender something to him and trust that he can handle the details. I mean, who are you to think that certain things won't go on without your doing them? God cares about those things and will take care of them should he ask you to relinquish them to him:-) Isn't that comforting? Anyhoo, if my mind isn't too cluttered with my own busy life tomorrow morning and the ones following as I rush through my devos that should be so much more deep than they are, I shall lift you to the Lord in prayer my dear. I love you muchííííííísimo!!! Now my cute husband is lyin gin the bed next to me and I am going to spend time with him cz he´s so adorable and wants to talk about his day :-D Ah the joys of marriage!!!
elcoxbro
that´s the word ver. I think it looks like el and then cox and then bro (like brudder man you know???)
Okay, yeah, my interpretations of word vers are lame.
Jess - really good thoughtful post.
With a recent promotion, I guess it could be a good time to review how all your commitments balance and make allowance for yourself.
Lovely music, btw.
Okay, OF COURSE you can come!!! And how did you get the music up there? You are SO much better at pimping out your blog than I am! I'm jealous. I think I have a jealousy problem. Really, I do!
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