Search me......see me......test me......lead me.

It has been a sort of Lenten project for me to really seek God like never before. I went to a women's group gathering at church last week that reminded me that if there is a way for me to pull out of this depression and anxiety and all that accompanies those, it has to be centered on God. It has to. And as a part of that, I'm renewing my resolve to memorize scripture and focus on Him each and every day. I had already done that, kinda, but I think I was just really convicted that He knows the way and He knows how I'm going to get out. I've discovered, too, how much power God's Word really has. The other night before we went to bed I just felt so anxious - jumpy, jittery, panicky almost - and I didn't know why. Needless to say, I didn't feel like sleeping, because I couldn't slow my mind down long enough to even think about rest. My mind went over an dover, thinking about things and making myself more and more jumpy and upset, while Scott peacefully slept (so I couldn't take my usual approach of talking until it goes away. Suddenly, scripture came to mind - a couple of verses I memorized like 3 years ago. "Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I went over that verse over and over in my mind, letting it replace the scrambled and uneasy thoughts that had taken up residence there, and I eventually fell asleep. I couldn't really pray, presenting my requests to God, because I didn't know what was bothering me and I didn't know what to ask for. Scripture also says, though, that when we don't know what to pray, the Spirit within us cries out on our behalf....and that's what it felt like. It was really amazing, and it makes me want to create more of a storehouse of God's Word to use as weapons when I'm under attack.