A Letter at 21 months

Dear Leah,

You’re 21 months old, sweet girl! You’re such a big girl! I’ve been telling you a that a lot lately, and honestly, I’m not sure that you are happy about that these days. It seems like you’re very torn right now between wanting to be grown up and independent and desperately wanting to still be a baby. That sounds strange, probably, since you’ve been expressing your independence in such overt ways. You’ve been reverting back to some of the things you used to do, though, and at times, are like a bigger version of the baby you used to be.

You’re wanting to be cuddled at bedtime more, for instance, and seem to want your pacifier more and more. We were so, so close to having you completely weaned from the paci, only giving it to you at bedtime, and now – all of a sudden – you’re asking for it during the day. It kind of confuses me, because I know this is a hard, tumultuous time for you and I want you to have the comfort you need…but I don’t want to coddle and spoil you. We’ll figure it out, though!

You’ve grown up so much lately, and it’s exciting and hard for me to see that. You are definitely not a baby anymore, even if you are seeking some of the comforts of infancy. Everything you do looks like a little girl – an older child – rather than a tiny baby, and while I’m struggling a little with this new territory, I’m so excited about the days to come. With Halloween and the holidays coming up soon, I know you’re going to be more aware of everything than you were last year and will be able to enjoy it all so much more. I’m going to be able to play in new and different ways with you, and that thrills me to no end.

You’ve had a hard month this month, though, as you’ve kind of had to ride the roller coaster of my recovery from surgery. You spent so much time with other people than Mommy and Daddy, and I know that was stressful for you. I’m excited about being able to be a better mommy to you now, though, since I’m feeling so much better than I have been for months. I’m afraid I kind of sold you short for a long time, simply because I didn’t have the energy to play with you and interact with you the way I wanted to. I can already tell a difference in how I feel, so I know that’s going to change. I’m so glad….for you and for me.

Even though things have been challenging lately, you’re still a bright, bright spot in my days. Y0u make me smile and laugh and learn so much, and I never cease to be grateful that God placed you in our lives. Things are complete with you here. You make all the difference. We just want to be what you need, and to show you Jesus in everything we do with you. If we can do that, we’ve done our job and we can know that you’ll be just fine.

Start thinking about what kind of cake you want for your birthday, okay? I have some ideas, but I’m no professional baker (as you’ll soon learn)…so if you can come up with something easier than the ideas I already have, I’d be much obliged.

I love you so, so much, honey. Happy 21 months.

Love,

Mommy