Dangerous Territory

It’s hard for me to believe that my little girl is approaching the treacherous waters of her third year. We’re still a few months away from her second birthday, but it seems that someone has filled her in on the change that comes with that celebration….the tantrums, the opinions, the desperate need to be in control of her little world. After my surgery, it seems like a different child was returned to me. Part of it, I’m sure, was that she was mad. She had a very stressful week as I recovered, bouncing from caregiver to caregiver and wondering where her mama was. She was in good hands, to be sure, but it wasn’t her normal routine, and I think she has been a little resentful since coming back to me.

On top of that, though, I really think she is entering her “terrible two’s.” Her temper is a lot quicker than it has been, and it doesn’t take much at all to bring on one of her fits. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells during the day, never really knowing what is going to set her off. Just getting her dressed is a feat, and getting out the door….well, let’s just say that I’m not going to be getting anywhere on time for awhile. She knows what she wants and what she doesn’t want, and she has no hesitation about making sure I know which is which.

I’ve already tried out some different approaches to her tantrums, and I’m hopeful that one of them will stick. It’s hard to find the balance between being too lenient and being too authoritarian. I want her to know that her feelings are valid and that it matters to me how she feels…but I don’t want to teach her that she can control us with a tantrum or that it’s okay to disrupt everything because she isn’t happy.

It’s a lofty goal, but it’s one I’m insistent on. I know what those tantrums feel like. I remember them from my own childhood and I am all too familiar with their adult counterpart – panic attacks. I know how scary it is to feel out of control of your circumstances and, worse, of yourself. I know it’s terrifying, and I want her to learn at an early age that the fits and tantrums and outbursts don’t accomplish anything. My prayer is that if we demonstrate their futility, maybe she will – out of necessity – learn a better, more godly way to handle the frustrations of life.

I don’t want her to feel like she is powerless, but I believe that even when she is acting out, she desperately wants us to lay down boundaries for her. I believe that she needs us to set restrictions on her behavior because without them, the world is a big, scary, out-of-control place. I believe that she needs us to teach her how to handle and react to life, and that if her daddy and I don’t do that, she’ll learn what the world would have her do….and if I allow that, I’m selling her short as her mama. I don’t know how to do this…and I’m sure I’ll learn new things as I try to figure it out…but I know that when something is laid on my heart, I should listen.