Caffeinated

Dear Me,

Next time you are tempted by a grande cafe mocha, please remember how you feel right now.

Remember that your heart (and every other organ) will feel like it's going to leap straight out of your chest and run around the block.

Remember that your mind will race at a pace suitable only for Churchill Downs.

Remember that it all takes a little while to kick in, and that even though you'll feel terrific while you're drinking it, in roughly half an hour you will feel like you're going to explode.

Remember that "jittery" does not begin to describe how that coffee will make you feel.

Remember that being sleepy is better than feeling like you're going to launch to another level of the atmosphere.

Just remember. That's all I ask. For the love of all that is good and holy, remember.

Sincerely,
You




Dear Starbucks Man,

Regardless of how proficient I may appear at ordering coffee at your lovely establishment, remember that I'm really pretty clueless. If I should request a grande cafe mocha again, remind me that it's really not such a good idea. No matter how much I may say I want it, don't let me have it. Please. Please don't let me have it. It's better for everyone if I stay sleepy and groggy. Anything is better than being suped up and out of control. My daughter will thank you.

Sincerely,
Me

P.S. Is there any special trick that you know of for getting cffeine out of your system more quickly? Anything at all?