Stigmas

I'm struggling today. I don't think it's common knowledge out there that I'm on some different medications for depression and anxiety, despite - as the nurse told me at the doctor's office the other day - the fact that I'm only 25 and am "too young to be depressed." Let me assure you, I am NOT too young to be depressed. Anyhow, the doctor has done some changing around with my dosage, which has been great for my mood (much less irritable and generally thinking more rationally, which is always a good thing) but has made me SO SLEEPY I CAN HARDLY THINK STRAIGHT. The medication has made it hard to concentrate before, but he upped one dosage and told me to take half of the other one at night and the other half in the morning. Given those changes, I'm pretty much useless. I've even contemplated - prepare yourself - drinking some caffeine to get me in gear. Remember, now, that I have been decaf for like 9 years, since 10th grade. Yeah, that's how tired and groggy I am. I can't function like that! This morning, I've been at work for almost 2 hours already and I've done NOTHING productive. I'm supposed to help conduct a focus group for a low-income housing committee I'm on in like an hour, and I'm not sure how on earth I'm going to do that. Somehow I've got to get my brain in gear or I'm going to be sleeping and drooling all over myself during the focu group, which will probably not convince the real estate developers coming that they need to build low-income housing in the 30901 and 30903 ZIP codes, which is our basic purpose of the whole thing today. Maybe I can sit in the back and look like I'm in total agreement while Beth does all the talking. She and Sharon know more about this stuff anyway, but I don't want to be the tagalong committee member who comes to the event and sleeps with her eyes open.
Wow. That was rambling. See what I mean? My brain is not with it.
Anyhow, I do feel good, in spite of the grogginess.
My doctor wants me to go see a psychiatrist to help me deal with this anxiety and depression business. What do you think about that? Part of me says as a Christian, I should be able to get myself through this by leaning on God and letting Him take care of this for me, but on the other hand, I do believe that things like this are caused by a chemical imbalance and if medicine and counseling help, I should go for it. My pastor and his wife told me to go for it, when I talked to them last weekend, but I still feel funny. It's weird because I was going to go into counseling as my profession for awhile, so I was all about getting rid of the stigma that comes with mental health issues and making people aware that there is nothing wrong with having one of those problems and that it actually takes strength to reach out and get help. Now, though, being on the other side, I dread people finding out that this is going on with me and that I'm seeing a "shrink." It could be a cool testimony if I'd let it, I think, and if people's minds would be open to it, but I'm feeling more like people wouldn't understand and would judge me. (The "people" I'm talking about are mostly the people at my church, who most of the time make me feel like I have to be perfect.) It's hard. Counseling will b good, I know, because I did that in college, but I think it's the combination of seeing a psychiatrist and being on medication and all..... I want to get better, I know that much. And if this will work, I'm going to go for it. I think I need to stop worrying so much about what someone else might think. I've known that my whole life.