Aunque Corras, Escondas, No Puedes Escapar

I need an escape. I need to get out. I'm bogged down in the mundane, I think, and need a serious change of scenery. This could just be today talking - which, thus far, has not been a particularly good day. No reason to be bad, really, as it is gorgeous outside and the weekend is coming, which brings with it a visit with my grandmother and a short jaunt out of town. I feel so yuck, though. The same kind of yuck as comes with PMS, though that's not what it is. Had a panic attack this morning, getting ready for work, and haven't quite recovered from that. I'm still kinda shaken....and work is hectic today (though you wouldn't know it, since I'm blogging from my desk) with grant applications that won't go through by fax, other grant applications that need information that our corporate office can't seem to get for me, unexpected visits from church reps who need materials that I may or may not have, bounced checks (not mine, but work ones, which are actually worse), and on and on..... Do you know the feeling I'm talking about? I look around me and think, instead of "Wow I love my job and my life and yay the weekend is coming and life is good" as I have been lately, I'm thinking, "This AGAIN? I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Stress and anxiety and lots of pressure are bringing me to a point that I don't think I like...a point at which I fear I might break....a point at which I feel like there may be no turning back from once I'm headed there. I need a sabbatical. I need an excursion from the ordinary. I need to do something weird and unusual and exhilarating. This is the kind of day when it's really tempting to tell everyone here that I'm leaving, going away for a few days, and will be back a different person. It's the kind of day that makes Pennsylvania seem more tempting and appealing than normal. Where does this feeling come from? Even as I type that question, I am thinking of the two answers that always come to mind. 1)God. He tells me I need a Sabbath, and I haven't done that in a while. No resting. No breathing. No inhaling, as I think only Becca will understand, and lots of exhaling. I need that. God knows I need that. 2)The enemy. When I panic and get myself all in a tizzy, as my mom calls it, I'm of no use to anyone, especially to myself. I can't work, I can't think.... He knows that and likes to get me to this place. I always think that it'd be better to take some mental health time, like my friend Vickie always tells me, than to push myself to a point of breaking and cowering in a corner, but how can I do that when my boss is on vacation and everyone here needs me to do this and that and the other thing? I don't know how to step back and say, "Listen. I'm struggling. I need a break. I need a day off. I'll be back later, and I'll be able to handle all of these things you need from me then." Somehow that's not so okay in the working world - even in a Christian working environment. But I need it, so badly, and I have to figure out a way. I feel like I'll snap pretty soon. And like I said, this could just be today. This could just be my mood. It could pass. It might be completely better tomorrow, with or without a break. But then again, it might not. (The title, by the way, is from an Enrique Inglesias song on a CD I got in Spain. I always liked that line.)