Prisoner's Chains

Things are going better. It's such an up and down thing, and I hate that when things start going somewhat well I have to feel tentative and wonder when it'll get bad again. I feel like that shows such weakness of faith. It's realistic, though, isn't it? I don't know, and I wish so badly that I could just stand firm enough that my resolve would keep it from happening again. I wish I could have that faith that moves mountains. I wish I could just believe that at the mere mention of the Lord's Name that the devil would flee from me, but that seems so unbelievable to me, especially when I'm under such brutal attack. I can read about that very thing happening in Scripture, and I see that when Paul and Silas praised Him and called on His Name they were freed from their bondage and their chains fell to the ground, but I don't see that in my own life. Whose fault is that? Certainly the fault lies with me. He is so faithful and I am so lacking....yet He promises when I trust in Him He will be there, same as ever. How I wish I could have that faith.