Enough To Say “No”

We aren’t completely sure, but we think our daughter has an allergy to cashews. I say that we aren’t sure because we have never given her a cashew alone and witnessed the symptoms we know she has, but trail mix – which has no ingredients except the cashews that she has never had alone – causes a bizarre rash to appear instantly on her face. Because I’ve heard about nut allergies and how scary they can be, I make a special point of keeping her away from cashews. I don’t eat the trail mix when she’s around (because we all know that no one can have a snack to themselves when a toddler is around). I keep the bag on a shelf out of her reach in the pantry. I’ve told her grandparents that we think she has this allergy.

Despite this, though, she occasionally catches a glimpse of the bag on a higher shelf and, in typical toddler fashion, requests some. (That is putting it mildly. She passionately begs, hanging on the door knob once I close the door and wailing as though I never, ever feed her. She must have trail mix, and she must have it now.) She probably wouldn’t want any, either, except one of the ingredients is, to my chagrin, her most favorite thing in the world.

M&Ms.

She can see them through the little window in the bag, and once she knows they are there, she cannot draw another breath without tasting some of the sweet chocolate candy shell she knows is there. She begs. She pleads. She pursues an Oscar for her performance as “little starving girl.”

It is very dramatic.

When she becomes convinced that she needs some trail mix, there is very little (nay, nothing) that I can do to convince her that it really isn’t a good idea.

“Leah, honey,” I say, “I’m sorry….Mommy can’t let you have any of that, sweetie. It will make you sick. I can’t, honey….it’s not good for you….it can hurt Leah….honey, get off the floor….sweetie…..come on, honey. Please trust me, sweetie. I’m not trying to be mean. This is what’s best for you…..look, sweetheart! Fruit snacks! Oh….okay…..no fruit snacks…. Yogurt raisins? You love those….? No….okay…..”

On and on until, at some point, she does as toddlers do and arbitrarily seems to forget what she was begging for. A speck on the floor grabs her attention or, more likely, the cat walks in and performs a shenanigan that cannot be ignored. When that happens, she jumps up, red-eyed and splotchy-faced, and carries on with her day. I am unscathed, save for a broken heart at having to deprive my child of something she so, so needs, and I, too, move on with whatever I was doing before.

After a few performances like this, I learned. I finished the trail mix and, since then, have been making my own….minus the cashews. That has remedied the problem, but what I really wish – in my heart – is that she would or could understand why I won’t let her have the things that will hurt her. In her mind, I’m simply withholding great pleasure from her; it makes no sense that something that is so good could possibly be bad.

This made me think recently. My heartfelt desire for my child to trust my knowledge of what is best for her is not unlike the desire God must have for us, His children. He places restrictions on this great, wide world we’re in not to simply hold anything back from us, but to protect us from things He knows would hurt us. He knows how good things look to us. He knows how appealing things can be as they are destroying us. He knows our nature, too, and knows that something in us is inexplicably drawn to things that ultimately are bad for us. Knowing us the way He does, He has laid out some restrictions to keep us from getting into too much trouble.

“Oh, that that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever!” (Deuteronomy 5:29)

God’s desire, in laying out rules and commandments for us, is not to eliminate the possibility of enjoying life. Rather, His intention is to make joy possible – joy unhindered by the unnecessary repercussions of disobedience. He longs for us to see His discipline that way, and to trust that He really does know what is best for us.

“Beloved,” He seems to say, “Please trust me. Please understand that my love for you is greater than any pleasure the world can offer, and those things that you are attracted to…..they will destroy you and turn your life into something I never intended. I don’t want to see that happen, so I’m saying no.”

Those things – the M&Ms of our lives – look different for each of us. What is consistently true, though, is that when God says no to something, it is because He knows something we don’t, and He is looking out for us in a way we cannot look out for ourselves. He offers us something else – a way to resist what we believe we must have – and promises that in the alternative, we will be abundantly blessed. He loves us, and that is His desire.

But alas. My daughter is only two years old, and she cannot understand such reasoning. One day she will, but in the meantime, I won’t buy trail mix with a combination of M&Ms and cashews. I love that trail mix….but I love her far, far more. I love her enough to say “no.”