The First Adolescence

A few months ago I read in one of my “email notices” that I get on Leah’s development that she was entering or approaching what developmental psychologists sometimes call “the first adolescence.” I looked for that email and the site that sent it to me when I was getting ready to write this post but – go figure – I can’t find it. I did find some other articles on the subject, though; some say the “terrible twos” are the first adolescence, while others say it peaks at around 18 months. I can’t speak with any authority on that, since I haven’t been there, but I can say this: IT IS REAL.

Sweet Leah has found her independent streak and, unfortunately, that independence is in a constant battle with the need for Mommy. She seems to develop a will of her own more and more every day. She knows what she wants and when she wants it. (The answer to those questions, oddly, seems to be “everything” and “now.”) She wants to be a big girl and is increasingly capable of doing so…but still desperately wants and needs my attention and assistance.

It’s so cute and so sad. She takes off on her own doing something, and turns around every few steps to make sure I’m still there. She wants to do things on her own, but can’t quite coordinate it all yet and needs my help. She knows she’s close to being able to handle things herself, but sometimes gets so frustrated that her little hands don’t know what to do.

While she struggles with the tension between independence and reliance, I’m faced with a struggle of my own. I want to let her learn and figure things out as she can, so I want her to try it herself as much as possible. I want her to know I’m there to help, though. I don’t ever want her to feel like I don’t care while she struggles.

She's stretching her independent muscles, and I'm trying to step in just the right amount at just the right time. It’s a process, and we’re both learning.