The Quest for Peace

"This is what the Lord says - you Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: 'I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.'" (Isaiah 48:17-18)

I messed up yesterday. I should have called the temp agency to let them know I wasn't interested in the job any more and that something else had come along. I should have called them then to tell them that I wouldn't be coming to the job on Monday morning, which they had finally told me was to be my start date. I should have let them know sooner so that they could find someone else. Fearful of their reaction and always the people-pleaser, I didn't want to make the call. I dreaded talking to them and having to back out on something they had found for me. "They're going to hate me. They're going to yell at me and hate me and tell me to never go back there again." That's what I convinced myself of and thereby managed to put off calling them at all.

Promptly at 5:10, though, 10 minutes after their office had closed for the day, I was convicted beyond anything I can describe. I knew I had done something wrong and by that point had no way of fixing it for another 15 hours. I was stuck in my mistake. Attacked from inside myself by a conscience that had been there all along, only ignored for my own selfish reasons. Scott confirmed my error, which - on top of my own conviction that I had irreversibly messed up - made me cry in the middle of Bible study last night and led me to the decision that I really had to do something.

Scott and I worked up a script, and I called them this morning. As I knew deep inside, it was okay - she wasn't pleased but wasn't yelling, either. And now it's done. For better or worse, I'm free of the other job.

That's scary, for sure. Now I'm leaning completely on God. If He wants me to be a recruiter at MCG, it's going to happen. And if He doesn't want that for me, I'm back where I started....with no job and no prospects.....but at least I can feel good about it now. The lesson I've learned is this: trusting my conscience will spare me a lot of stress, anxiety, and tears....and will allow for a lot more peace than when I silence it in favor of temporary ease.