Trinkets from the Journey

I started reading my old journals today. I have several, because until blogger came along I was a thorough and intentional journaler. Anyway, I love to read back to see what happened "on this day in _____". It's always such a refreshing reminder of how far I've come and of how many ways God has opened up my life, like a blooming flower, and has brought different things into and out of my life to make me the person I am today.

On this day in 2004, my entry was just this: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:4-6)

That's all it said. Two days later, the same thing. The same scripture. Curious as to what might have been going on to make me cling to those wonderful words of Paul, I read some of the surrounding entries. I had a crush on someone that would go nowhere (and I knew that even then), I hated my job, I was up for a job somewhere else (and I didn't feel like I wanted to go there, but God had other plans), I felt helpless in everything I was doing.....and those were the words I kept in my heart at that time. There was also this prayer: "Lord, may the footsteps I leave behind be completely wiped out by the cross I carry." Whoa. I doubt I can claim credit for that one, but it made me think. That's where I was three years ago.

And four years ago? I was coming to the realization that the "fabulous Christian guy" I was dating was no good for me and was coping with the face that regardless of what I had hoped, that relationship, too, would go nowhere. I had just graduated from college, was trying to reconnect with friends, and wrote this that my friend Justin said: "There will be a day when God will play it all back - like a movie - everything we ever did wrong. He'll be sitting right next to us, and that'll be the worst, most shameful moment in our lives." I remember debating that with him, but ultimately being floored by having a spiritual conversation with a friend, because I was so new to things and hadn't yet surrendered my life over to God.

Five years ago? Dare we go back that far? All I wrote that day was that I was finished with my tests and papers, dreading exams, having another bout of culture shock.....and wanted to go home.....from Spain.

Those kinds of things just make me look back over my journey and realize how good God is to me. He's so patient. It has taken me years to learn the things I wrote about back then, and I'm not 100% sure I've got it all even now, but He has never given up on me and hasn't left my side even once. I'm constantly learning, changing, growing.....and He takes joy in it all, like a parent watching his toddling child's first wobbly steps. It's amazing, isn't it? I love to turn around, glancing over my shoulder at where I've been, and realizing that I'm not there anymore. That sounds silly and trite, but seriously.....God is moving me. With God, I can't stay still, and as long as I cling to Him, I'll keep moving forward. It's neat, too, to think about what I'll be reading about in the years to come.....about how I've grown since 2007 and how naive I was early in my marriage....

And to show God's consistency, I'm amazed at one other thing. We're in a series on prayer at church, and our main scripture for this week's message is none other than Philippians 4:4-6. God never changes, and His word NEVER fails.