I'm scared of always dealing with this. I'm scared that I'll become one of those people on the antidepression medication commercials who look so pitiful and lost. I'm afraid of living with this feeling for the rest of my life, and I'm afraid of being so weakened by this that I don't fulfill my purpose in life. I'm scared of staying hidden because of this but I'm scared of coming into the light. The depression leads me to anxiety leads me to disappointment leads me to depression....and on and on it goes. I'm afraid of the cycle. I'm afraid of never coming out of this, and I'm scared of being swallowed alive. I'm afraid of losing my grip on reality and on God. I'm afraid that eventually, even He will get frustrated with me. I'm afraid that no one - not even Him - understands, and that no one - not even Him - will be able to help me. I'm afraid that I'll lose this grip on hope that I have right now. It doesn't sound like I have hope, but I do. I have the hope that He'll deliver me from this, and I have the hope of a life without this feeling. With hope, though, comes the fear that my hopes will not be realized. Does that show a lack of faith? Does that mean it's not really hope?
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
The Thoughts of Anxiety
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 of your thoughts:
wow jess...i stumble upon your blogs evey once in a while and while i'm reading i'm totally relating and nodding my head up and down because i feel soooo similar with this deep haze of anxiety and depression and feeling guilty all the time because I am a Christian and therefore I should always be joyful and feel posititve but the only thing I usually feel is a deep desire to crawl into bed and sleep my life away. maybe we have more in common than we realize.
Post a Comment