Pity Parties --> Depression --> Insanity

Here's what I'm thinking: Pity parties are overrated and pointless.

This morning I got up, still completely and totally exhausted from the hectic-ness of last week, and decided I was just too tired to do another day of it. Everyone talked last week about how exhausted they were and how they wanted time off after White Christmas and how it would ease up on Monday, so I thought it might be okay for me to do it.

I stayed home again.

And while it might have been okay for others to do it last week, and while it might have been okay - as far as AUM is concerned - for me to do it today, it was NOT okay for me to do it today, as far as I am concerned. It's not okay for me to stay home, feeling tired or whatever, because then I feel sorry for myself, I get scared about going back to work tomorrow because I know people will ask me what was up today, and I get worried about facing the things I should have faced today a day later than they should have been dealt with.

Basically, my pity parties lead me into worse anxiety and then depression than I had before, and I need to realize that no matter how badly I'm feeling when I get up in the morning, it's nothing compared to how bad I'll feel if I indulge that feeling all day long. The results are never good. Now, on top of feeling tired, I feel guilty and ashamed and weak and like I lost another battle. The war is far from over, and another battle was just credited to the enemy.

How is it so easy for rational thought to just cease? My mom always told me it didn't do any good for me to sit around feeling sorry for myself, but somehow I convince myself every so often that it'll help. It never does, and I have reason to believe that it never will, so I need to give it up. You know, I've heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. The last thing I need to add to my list of symptoms is insanity. I've got to get over this and learn my lesson.