The memories flood me. Like a tidal wave, they come.

I’ve been home from Belize for two weeks now, and I’ve been trying since then to process everything that happened….everything that I experienced….everything that God did with me and in me while I was there. There is so much to think about and so much I want to try to remember and so much that I want to be forever changed by, and it’s almost too much to take in. I’ve looked at my pictures a thousand times and have talked about it all ad nauseam, but I still feel like I’ve only scratched the surface. Can I ever really absorb all of it?

I feel like a lot of the struggle to process everything comes from the fact that the learning that started in Belize hasn’t ended yet. I feel very strongly that the things I went through there were just the beginning. I can’t process the whole experience because really, it isn’t over yet. The story is still being written. You can’t summarize a book if the final chapters aren’t on paper yet.

I think that the main thing that God showed me while I was in Belize was that my plans may be fine and good, but He has something infinitely better for me than anything I could plan on my own. So many times during the week, my own plans and anticipations were taken away from me, only to be replaced by something bigger and more fulfilling. In my planning for the trip, I had thought I would be helping with the women’s ministry during my down time from the worship team. Instead, I was with different children and the medical team….where I had the richest experiences of the trip and built the most fulfilling relationships. I hadn’t anticipated being able to speak Spanish while I was there, because we were told that most people there speak English. Instead, I worked as an interpreter for the medical team and spoke (and sang) in Spanish in front of the gathering at revival. I got to see how God was putting pieces of my life together for His glory, and how He always has something planned for my ultimate benefit…even if it doesn’t look that way at the time.

Essentially, God showed me that He is sovereign, and that His plans – infinitely bigger than I know – are better than mine.

I also experienced a peace in Belize that I’m unaccustomed to. Here at home, when things go wrong with my day, I fall apart. I am gripped by fear at the thought of car trouble or missing a flight. In Belize, though, I never felt scared or worried, even when situations said that maybe I should feel that way. I’ve challenged myself to try to maintain a little of that attitude in the rest of my life now that I’ve come home. If I can be at peace with car trouble in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country, I can be at peace with a glitch in my schedule at home.

The experience was (and continues to be) life changing. I’m working hard every day to try to remember everything and not let myself fall back into my old way of living. I have encountered things that should change me, and I am determined to never be the same person again. I think that was God’s purpose in the whole trip for me, and I’m just trying to stick to His plan. It’s better than mine, after all.