Thirsty

I get so frustrated with myself. I know what I need, but I make up every reason in the world not to make sure I get it. I feel a desperate thirst, but nothing can convince me that I need to tend to it. I feel myself withering, but instead of stopping to replenish, I keep pressing on…pushing on…until I very nearly collapse.

I get up every morning and say a quick prayer: “Lord, please take my day into your hands. Give me the strength and opportunity to do what you need me to do. Keep me close to your will.” Then my feet hit the floor, already running. Leah jabbers in the baby monitor, my stomach growls, and my day is off and running. Already, I’m thirsty, but I don’t stop to drink. I move ahead, becoming ever more parched, ignoring the basic need that tugs at me.

I need HIM. I need to sit with Him. I need to talk with Him – really talk, and listen, and exchange ideas and thoughts and little nothings – and allow myself time in His presence to change me. I need to breathe Him in, but instead, I run on…..exhaling…..exhaling…..exhaling……until I am empty.

When time or circumstances or priorities finally bring me to that quiet time, I soak it up. Parched, I drink and drink and drink until I can’t take in any more. I desperately try to replenish what time and life have drained away.

I was reminded of this tendency one day last week as Leah played at a nearby park. Though we had arrived early in the morning in an attempt to beat the heat, it was a really steamy day. It didn’t take long for me to be hot and sweaty from chasing her around the playground, and I knew she had to be hot, too. Around and around I chased her, asking her if she wanted juice or a snack, trying to get her to take the break from playing that I knew she needed. As I’d approach her, though, she’d bolt away, eager to continue playing and not willing to let her fun be interrupted. She had an agenda and didn’t want it disturbed.

“Leah, honey, are you thirsty? Let’s get some juice.”

“Do you want something to drink? Here’s your cup!”

“Look, Leah! I brought you some juice! Do you want some apple juice?”

There was nothing I could say or do to get her attention. She simply was not interested. As her mom, though, I knew she needed it, so I persisted. I pursued her intensely, knowing that it was best for her that she stop and replenish. Finally, I was able to get her. I picked her up and, surprisingly, didn’t meet any resistance as I placed her back in her umbrella stroller with her cold juice cup. As she sat and drank, I pushed the stroller away from the playground and into a shaded picnic area. She drank and drank, chugging the juice until it was gone. When she reached the bottom of the cup, she asked for more. I told her that there was more in the car and that we would have to go get it; again, she didn’t resist. She finally knew what she needed and was eager to get it.

My sweet girl reminded me that morning of my sad tendency to involve myself in the fun and important things of life, forgetting about the essential things. I rush around doing what I feel is important, ignoring the things that are critical for my survival. In the midst of my hustle and bustle and created busy-ness, though, God pursues me, knowing what I need and never stopping until I am willing to take it. He knows me better than I know myself, and cares enough to never stop chasing me.

As a deer longs for streams of water, so I long for You, God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I come and appear before God? (Psalm 42:1-2)

Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)