Is there a personality type that is particularly prone to becoming obsessed with things? I know that there has been a gene isolated that might indicate that some people are more prone to addictions to alcohol and the like, but I wonder if there is something that predisposes people to becoming overly enthusiastic about things which do not necessarily warrant such excitement.
This question is posed, of course, for a reason. I am addicted to obsessions. Weird, you say? Let me explain.
I am obsessed with shoes. I have more pairs than anyone I know.....except, perhaps, for Mom (which only feeds into my theory that this might somehow be a genetic thing). I can't help it. I go into a store looking for toothpaste, and I come out with shoes. I leave my house with the intention of dropping off a bag of castoffs at Goodwill, and before I know it, I'm trying on a pair of someone else's casted-off boots. I plan my outfits according to what shoes I feel like wearing, and if I don't feel like my shoes go with my ensemble, my day is all off kilter. Scott - a fairly typical low-maintenance man - has only one square foot in which to store his 3 pairs of shoes in our closet, while I have completely overwhelmed the enormous basket designated for mine to such an extent that I have one downstairs for the shoes that are in season, and another upstairs for those that will have to wait a few more months to be worn. It's not healthy. I know this, and yet I still can't stop thinking about the pair of red patent leather peep-toe pumps I saw at Target the other day.
On to purses. Some would say that the days of changing your purse to match your outfit (*ahem* shoes) are long gone, but I have to argue. If it's going to be slung over my shoulder all day, why should I willingly use one that clashes with the outfit that I have carefully put together? This habit, based on the aforementioned obsession with footwear, leads logically to only one thing: a huge assortment of handbags. Big black ones, small black ones. Big blue ones, big brown striped ones, small pink ones, small multicolored ones (thanks, Becca!).....this, too, is not healthy but is, to my chagrin, another of my weaknesses.
Foods are not exempt from my penchant for becoming obsessed. Once I re-entered the caffeinated world, it was as though a virtual Pandora's box had been flung open. One might say that it's only natural to become particularly interested in something which has been off limits for so long, or that I was merely "making up for lost time." However, I don't think that my newfound and perpetual craving for all things caffeinated was within those "normal" boundaries. Chocolate, for example, has become an essential ingredient in my diet. While before going decaf I ate it only occasionally and could easily do without it, I now have to have it. It's a need. Likewise, sweet tea - which is credited with being what makes southern girls so sweet - suddenly replaced water as my drink of choice. At every meal. Similarly, since starting work, I have developed a new caffeinated obsession which, until now, has not been spoken of to anyone. I have fallen into the trap that has seized much of our country and the western world at large. I evaded it for a long, long time.....but it has caught up with me. One morning last week I stopped at a gas station to grab snacks to have in my desk, and something glimmering in the refrigerator caught my eye. (It probably wasn't actually glimmering, but my sleepiness on that particular morning somehow made it much more appealing.) Starbucks Frappuccino. Oh....my.....goodness. I had never had one, but having heard how delectable they are and being open to try something that might - just might - wake me up without putting me to sleep first (as sugar still will do)....I bought one (in mocha flavor, of course). Not a workday has passed since that I have not indulged this new, secret obsession. They taste good, of course (wow, are they good), and they do seem to give me a boost in the morning, but I don't know why I have to have them. I have Starbucks on the brain. It's an obsession. Truly.
I've heard of athletes being obsessed with certain rituals, such as wearing the same pair of socks for every game, eating the same thing the morning of every big competition, or walking around the locker room in a certain direction before suiting up in their uniforms. These are definitely obsessions, but they're more along the lines of superstitions. It worked once, and now they are convinced that it will always work. I am not a superstitious person. I don't recall ever having my life saved because of the ever-growing mountain of shoes in my closet, and I know that life will not always be peachy as long as I begin my days with a frappuccino. I am an intelligent person. I know that. Why, then, am I so mindlessly driven toward these things?
Naturally, this can be explained spiritually. (Some of this can probably be explained chemically, too, but allow me to go in this direction.) I'm looking for something, clearly. There's obviously something that I feel is missing from my life. I must be trying to fix something that is out of whack in my life. My conclusion is this: the God-shaped hole in my heart is plugged with a high heel.
My insecurities....my worries....my self-doubt and occasional self-loathing.... There is something inside me that thinks those things can be easily fixed (or, at least, masked) with something tangible. If I have a pair of shoes that perfectly matches everything I could ever want to wear, I'll be happy. If I have a purse that everyone notices and compliments me on, I'll feel better about myself. If I drink this drink, it will make me feel good. The truth, though, is that if anything, those things only make me feel worse. I'll feel good temporarily if I look in the mirror and like what I see, but as I walk away from the mirror and into my day, my conscience screams and my spirit cries out for something more than a cute outfit. The thirst in my soul is deeper than any mixed coffee drink can quench. My existence is starving so that my feet can look good (and, honestly, not feel very good most of the time).
I don't need more shoes, another purse, or another bottle of frappe. I need more Jesus. That's the only obsession I need.
This is everything I want. This is everything I need. I want this to be my one consuming passion.
So capture my heart again. Take me to depths I’ve never been, into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy.
You are everything I want, and You are everything I need. Lord, You are all my heart desires. You are everything to me.
You are everything I want, You are everything I need. I want You to be my one consuming passion.
1 of your thoughts:
The chocolate thing made me have a suspicion...which I should probably not suggest seeing that it will most DEFINITELY feed a shared, monthly obsession the two of us have!
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