A Battlefield in My Mind

I went back to the temp agencies today. I've been stubborn and selfish and just haven't wanted to do that. It's hard to explain why without sounding conceited and egotistical. The thing is, I don't want to be caught in another job where I am just a warm body. I don't want to get a job because I happened to be the name they drew out of the hat, and I don't want something that has nothing to do with me, my talents, or my qualifications. I'm in this weird place where I'm really working through all of this depression and self-esteem baggage, and am really starting to see that I do have talents and things to offer. Coming to that realization does not reconcile well with job hunting, because I'm also starting to see that I might have to settle for a job - any job - that is offered to me, simply because I need to work. How do you reconcile that? On one hand, I don't want to settle for just anything, but I don't really think I'm in a position where I can be so selective that I turn things down, either. Argh! I'm so confused, you know?

On a somewhat related note, we had a covered dish supper at church tonight (where I ate way more than anyone else there, I think....I can't help it at those things!) and after that there was a meeting for a new women's Bible study they're starting in a couple of weeks. It's Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind, and I can't wait. I have the devotional book and LOVE it, so I'm thrilled that we're going to do this. I'm excited about getting to know some of the other women in the church, too, so this will be a really good thing, I think.